Until the Muslim in Chief is succesfully IMPEACHED and THROWN IN JAIL for his HIGH CRIMES and MISDERMEANERS against FREEDOM LOVING AMERUCICANS EVERYWHERE!

"And I saw the Four Horsemen of the Comment Apocalypse, and they said in unison unto me: 'Beware the false idol Kinja and her wily ways.' And I, for my part, took up my mobile device and screeched, 'EVEN NATIVE AMERICANS DON'T THINK THE NAME IS OFFENSIVE!' and lo, the Angel Snyder smiled down on me, well pleased."

Now it only needs to be Golden, full of life support systems and be placed on top of a Webway Gate and it will be perfect.

You really shouldn't be depending on emergency services for peace of mind.

Let me do a pre-post of the common comments so we can avoid clutter.

Oh, fuck right off, troll.

I like how he implies that soccer is too long while praising football, which has games that are objectively, unquestionably longer than soccer.

Joe,
Heads up football technique is about the dumbest fucking thing I've ever seen in my life. Why not focus on reducing helmet to helmet contact between linemen instead of teaching people to tackle like morons?
- The internet

THIS IS JUST ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF THE PUSSIFICATION OF AMERICA. YOU DON'T SEE GREG SCHIANO STAYING HOME SO HE CAN CARE FOR HIS WIFE, TERRI. AND SHE'S IN A DAMN COMA! SMH!1!

I have been waiting for quite a while to bust this one out but:

"...and here come the pretzels!"

You are terrible at this gender performance thing. That's okay, though, we can still be drinking buddies.

"My GOD, this Easter egg changes EVERYTHING!"

If your line-up can't handle a couple games without a key player, you probably have bigger problems to address.

Naadir Tharpe has a heavily-tattooed arm. He is engaged in congress of some sort with a naked-breasted woman. Why would it be shocking if Naadir Tharpe were the Zodiac Killer?

Oof, I'm not one for group exercise and I have a feeling this might be why. (Or maybe it just adds to the borderline anxiety.) Joyce Wadler at the New York Times has a pretty intense and hilarious 'report' on the insanity that is Spin Class. From "potassium-infused coconut bladderwrack" energy drinks to the…

I honestly don't see the problem here. You don't deserve to play if you can't handle softball questions.

Because it's an isside joke.

Apocalypse Brown

Lombardi's announcement confuses me most of all, as I'm not seeing any organization in Cleveland anywhere.