OK, so Wenger to Madrid, he wins the CL with them next year and Arsenal fans have a collective grand mal seizure. I’m in.

I’m reposting this in case I don’t make it out of the greys:

John with the traffic question, I have 2 words: ZIPPER MERGE.

Sergio Ramos’ favourite hockey player is Tom Wilson.

Most players (and probably most refs) don’t know it, but in an instance like this the rulebook gives the keeper a huge out—a keeper can illegally handle a backpass in his own box, and even if he denies a clear goalscoring opportunity, he cannot under any circumstances be red-carded for it. The most he would give away…

And as always, Maggie Haberman was the Ground Zero of Dumbass Motherfucker Tweets on this topic. Motherfuck the New York Times.

I suspect any former bartender (I did 10 years) is looking at this list with equal parts contempt and mild approval. I think the parts are in the right place but the framing was wildly off the mark.

If someone told me to watch something on a CD then I, too, would throw it in the trash.

Imagine a player with the head of a very smart kind of elephant and the body of, well, also an elephant but FAST! Now imagine a man who is half goat and he has hooks for hands. That’s crazy! Why not? Why can’t I have hooks for hands and live in the sewer? I’m just saying there’s no real reason why not. Cam Newton. Tom…

Last time a Kizer talked this big, the rest of us got drafted.

Rob Gronkowski Crashes White House Press Briefing

(refs call charging on you even though the brick wall was clearly in the restricted circle)

Poor kid, no father to prevent him from becoming a full-kit wanker.

I stared at this for like a minute wondering “What’s this guy talking about?” until I remembered my burner name. It’s an obscure comic book character I picked when I was on IO9 one day.

You gotta admit, the change from carrying the helmets to wearing them is probably a net positive.

If I were Garrett I’d start taking selfies with guns and weed.

I’m not sure you know what a dickhead is...

He’s a “season journalist”? Damn, then he really goofed off on Tuesday because I did not see anything from him at all on the vernal equinox. You had four jobs, Nolan!

Holy shit. I can’t wait to see Simmons ROAST Jonah on his hit TV show.

Yeah Deadspin. Stick to Syria.