Can he be murdered for recording the worst Christmas song in recorded history?

Simple solution: take the show out back and shoot it.

No, he’s right -- her latest set is just awful. Observational humor only works when your audience can relate, which is not the case when all your bits are about being the daughter of the richest Buggalo ranchers on Mars.

I hope this Elephant Shrew character is a Boozer, a User, and, most importantly, a Loser.

No.

It goes around my waist, while wearing bermuda shorts, feathered hair, keds, a neon tank top / t-shirt from pac sun, contains a plethora of membership cards, lighters, cigarettes, both a motorola see-through pager AND an enormous cellular telephone, 3 scrunchies knotted together, gum, spare underpants, a mix tape,…

we sure do, but “are you going to purple gluestick and foundation your brows and then draw them back on in the future” is a slightly less funny and deranged quiz :)

Also a good one is Mrs. Jigglebelly. 

A good rule is that a food item is a good cat name. (Bagel!) And plural food is a great cat name. (Waffles!!)

A nice bump is the last thing anyone in Fleetwood Mac needs.

With all due respect, it’s pretty crazy to call this the best film of all time when A Very Brady Sequel exists.

Though shouldn’t she have seen this coming?

Can we be reptiles?

She took a jump to the left and then a step to the right.

I’m encouraging everyone to replace ‘pro-life’ with ‘anti-choice.’ It’s a more accurate term to describe opponents of women’s right to choose, since they don’t care about the lives of pregnant women.

Jude is right. I’m not living. I am not even human. I am a spirit who only briefly takes corporeal form to post Harry Styles gifs on Jezebel. Here’s the secret: it may not be living, but it’s wonderful.

And thank Christ for that. Her choices are either be ostracized or be like her other siblings: Ivanka has to avoid a priapic cryptofacist father and the two Trump boys look more inbred than late-dynasty Hapsburgs.

Do you really thing Deep Blue Something unified the world?

But he’s a pro at performing in a wheel chair!

If only Steve Jobs had loved chemo, we could ask him.