Michael Hutchence too

“Hey, it’s that can-do spirit in Vandergrift, and a real lack of judging that I like to think of. Folks know you’re doing what you can to get by, and they’ll help you out any way they can. Sure, it’s no handout. No free lunches, and I’ve surely paid a man some money to send a message to a couple of teens I found…

“salt of the earth people in Vandergrift. If Philadelphia got scrapple, Vandergrift got ropple. Same thing, but with roadkill instead of griddle scraps. And they’ll share with you. Ropple, old nine volts to lick, the occasional wife. Plenty of cuckolds in Vandergrift. And not the political kind. The ‘beat it while a…

“Enjoy the good days. Get through the bad. Kiss your family. Have a blast. And is anyone going toward Vandergrift tonight? I could use a ride. I got no gas or grass, but uh, we can work something out.”

The only reason to support silver dollar pancakes is to differentiate between flavors of pancakes. Red velvet pancakes, chocolate chip pancakes, banana pancakes, pumpkin pancakes, apple cinnamon pancakes - I don’t want a toilet-seat-sized version of each. I want 2-3 tiny ones that add up to 2-3 toilet seat sized…

How much of the movie will be a roundtable with Jimmy Olsen, Lois Lane, and Lana Lang debating whether or not it’s okay to punch a racist?

This is, no doubt, going to be tied in to a gimmick match in which large, flaming orbs are placed strategically around the ring. The first competitor to be set ablaze will be the loser, and will feature Roman Reigns facing off against a new character: The Asbestos Avenger.

Harbaugh going hard after the role of Noah Bennett in the Heroes reboot.

That was the moment Albert the Alligator became President of the United States.

Chico was not a saint, but my family and I loved him and he would never take his own life.

I hear they didn’t even have a basketball ring at the Holocaust Center.

“I beg to differ.”

Yeah, but at least you can pick up things off the floor easily with the toe-thumb:

Erick Aybar understands your pain, Amy.

The bastard cousin of this zinger is: 

I’d like Lena Dunham’s take on where it fits in the monoculture.

There’s a real sweet spot for female tennis player grunts. Too low, and it’s like an Eastern European Powerlifter, too high and it sounds like an aggravated nagging sound. Pair a nice Monica Seles grunt with Maria Sharapova, and we’re in business.

Smart move having two of every position. Also, style tip, when Team Israel pinch-hit for the catcher, they call it a a “Shabbos LuCroy”

“I’m getting too old for this shit.”