What category has probably had more winners utilize the statuette for sexual gratification? My money is on Makeup and Hairstyling. Every time I see a picture of the winners, they just look like they were plucked from a random Supercuts in Central Jersey.

During this scene in Spiderman 2, after Tobey Maguire had just stopped the train, I called out “Aw, what is he, Jesus?” and the theater erupted with laughter. It’s been all downhill from there.

You’re not kidding. He murdered Chuck Klosterman purely for his scalp!

deported

I usually look to my Republican wife (who voted for Hillary) to ground me in reality when my libturd ass is flying off the Helen Lovejoy handle. I told her early this week “I’m trying to keep things in perspective, and not freak out over every little thing, but this muslim ban thing...” she cut me off with “I am…

To any new parents out there, “spit up” sucks, but we’re talking full on, regular people food chunk-blowin’. My boy got a daycare stomach virus the other week that spread to my wife and me. We were the Griffin family on ipecac. He barfed on my wife twice, and in his crib twice, and I thank god that was it. He…

Until presented with video evidence to the contrary, I’m 100% convinced Ted Cruz dribbles with two hands, which is not a euphemism.

Frank Luntz is rushing to gather together a focus group on the “jack tax.”

Funny, my wife works in PR and ran an event in DC where Kornheiser and Tony Reali were set to walk the red carpet. Kornheiser was totally attentive as she pointed out the different outlets on the carpet who would want to interview him, but Reali apparently just blew past her and skipped all the press. I would’ve…

I was an RA with the guy who plays (Played? I’m only on season 5) Eric on The Walking Dead. His name is Jordan Woods-Robinson. My nickname for him was “Black Athlete.”

OTOH I bet Biden would’ve given you a real good “Indian burn.”

Don’t knock urethral sounding until you’ve tried it.

How long until someone fucks that wine cork vacuum?

Gotta nuke something.

Worst part is when the kid mixes the foodstuffs. I’ve eaten a casserole of pasta with tomato sauce, yogurt, applesauce, peanut butter, and slobber. Because I fucking hate waste.

Be careful with this method. Always consider the location of, and operational status of a ceiling fan when doing the lift-and-sniff poopy check. Trust me.

really depends on how big your load is. Peter North probably drops that no problem.