I believe this man is wearing Chuck Klosterman’s scalp on his head.

Very important: family naming traditions are the god damned worst.

Sharper would really raise the roofie.

I agree with everything you said, except for the part about irony. This seems to be more a case of coincidence.

Agreed. Dom Capers’ coverage scheme is so bad, it extends to his scalp.

That the Shantymen wasn’t the name selected is an out-and-out travesty. I haven’t been this mad since I woke up from my nightmare in which the United States elected an unqualified, thin-skinned, racist, predatory, kleptocrat as President.

Most important stat last night was that Dom Capers is the longest-tenured defensive coordinator in the league, which is impressive, because good defensive coordinators get coaching offers occasionally.

I have an year and a half old son, and I’m getting excited for the time when he’s interested in watching movies like Star Wars, Aladdin, Lion King, and Toy Story, to name a few. He’s going to hate them just because the universe is a cruel bitch, isn’t he?

Jack Frost meets Flowers in the Attic. Fucked up. I like it. Get me Jessica Lange and the Caribou from Prancer on the phone!

I believe the offending incident was fatal for grandma.

Other way around. She was walking back from our house Christmas eve, if I recall correctly. Grandpa has never recovered or forgiven St. Nick. Pour out some nog.

Comedian Dana Gould once said, “After you eat beets, if you forget, you freak out because your toilet looks like the back seat of JFK’s limo.”

I bet Roethlisberger sandwiches his dick between his testicles and calls it the “BenBerger”

Agreed. As someone from the North Country, I know my fair share of illiterate Bills fans, but let’s not tar the entire “non-NYC” part of New York State as “Upstate.”

The Trump audible is to go with two blocking tight ends, form a wall with the O-Line, and have the ballcarrier run hard to the right.

Irsay is bringing the medicine cabinet. I thought you said you wanted to party? What’re you, uptight?

Which happens first: Ortiz finding the cause of his positive test result or OJ finding the real killer.

Not all business cards are something you can drop off in a fishbowl at Panera for a shot at a free You Pick 2.

You gimme your address and I’ll come over. I had a porterhouse, the cups of navy beans, and six granny Smith apples last night for dinner and I’m baking a loaf up real good. In case you need a reference here’s my resume: