he's never seen that type of behavior. And he's been looking. I mean really really looking. A lot. Hanging out in the halls, the broom closet, the stairwell, ladies' bathroom. Looking.

cats are trainable, it just takes more patience and different reinforcment techniques.

I still think the best description of what childbirth is like comes from Carol Burnett: "grab your bottom lip, and then pull it over your head."

we have a winner, hold your cards...

sorry, not signing up for anything that Dr. Forrester ever did to TV's Frank

"what do we say to the Sith Lord? NOT TODAY"

Congratulations! Also "Trek Mex" is the name of my new Theramin-centered mariachi cover band.

ya da da da da da ya da da da squaBOOM squaBOOM cmon everybody sing

this is obviously a definition of "open" of which I was not previously aware.

same joke, different comedian.

*dampens towel, twists it menacingly*

I have to trust Doug Adams and still go with a towel.

replace "jeweled crown" with "Hope Diamond" and that's going to be me

how about Dick and Jane then?

For its attack on New York, German troops were to land on the island of Sandy Hook, New Jersey,

yeah but if it had been a white President in a black suit, then... something something Benghazi something.

If Buzz really thinks he's going to die the first time Woody accidentally opens his helmet, how would he have maintained his cool and not leave his toy form if Andy did the same thing—which he probably would have done seeing that Buzz is, ya know, a toy.

Early in the movie, Bo Peep makes a very suggestive comment to Woody when she asks: "What do you say I get someone else to watch the sheep tonight?" But assuming that Woody and Bo Peep follow the mainstream trends in action figure design, both of them probably weren't made to be perfectly...anatomically correct. So…

aww his mom made him a bowtie out of a dish towel, how sweet

say what you want about Carrot Top but I have loved him forever because he pissed off Leann Rimes with just one joke: "Leann Rimes" "No it don't"