My stepdad brags about his locked safe, but he also brags about how he’s not going to be a victim in the event of a home invasion — which makes me feel like he’s not securing them as well as he should. In the extremely unlikely even that someone breaks into his house, guns blazing, does he really think he’s going to…

I feel like that person is a dog trapped in a human body. Very sad.

Or an adult with a gun to “disarm” the 3 yr old

Obviously there should have been more guns lying around where kids can get them. Then maybe this girl would have been able to defend herself.

That’s why I make sure I’m awake by 11:00 AM. It’s really that 30 minutes of peace and quiet that makes being a morning person so rewarding.

Neither of my pregnancies was planned - dadthecoach and I were kind of like, “meh, if it happens it happens” and I would have to say that between the moment of conception and when I took the test for kidtheplayer#1 I was seriously drunk 3 or 4 times at least. Not so much with kidtheplayer#2 since I had a toddler by…

It’ll put hair on your fetus.

Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME? Okay, I’m day drinking today. Whose with me?

Solvency

So you’re saying he has an exceptional penis?

War and Peace are my boobs’ names.

Thanks but I’m holding out for Mother Jones’s Progressive Soda Club. January's selection is Mr Pibb - the male feminist ally soda that lets you know men care about equality too!

I suspect the answer is different for each individual delivery person.

Still, plus 1000 for “Boozitunity”!

Booze.

Wait, they are other timelines? #andamovie

Reason # 4,302,098 not to go on Cruises.

read whatever you want man

It was the greatest twist of all time IMO as I would absolutely make Ryan Lochte my sex idiot but ESPECIALLY if he were repping Hut paraphernalia.

Looking great may be the best revenge but I’m happy with a brick through the window as a competitive runner up.