goat that fatally gored a hiker, then stood over the man and stared at people trying to help, had shown aggressive behavior in the past

That's a difference of 10 to 15 spots

O.J. mayo's go-ahead shot was one step short of an AA program.

Will you validate my parking at least?

It claims that Paterno's health is completely shot

"That's crazy, because I had no idea what the word 'contraction' meant before I saw it on the Internet

@TerryTate: Dad?

@Johnny LaRue: As I've been banned on Jezebel twice, I'm quite familiar with the pitchforks.

refreshingly familiar — storyline for women's sports coverage.

@Gottliebs Cards: Nice.

@Ron_Artesticular_Fortitude: What's wrong with Alabama, Alaska, Arkansas, Connecticut, Washington DC, Georgia, Hawaii, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, North Carolina, Ohio, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, Rhode…

Which of his coaches had the best sense of humor:

"Hey, this technology is great. Not only does it deplete food resources, it poisons your groundwater for free!"

So happy I moved to Oregon.

@Gamboa Constrictor: Then it is as I feared— the Zombie commenter apocalypse is upon us.

@Always Winning: Unfortunately, I read the last part of that comment first and only got "goo gobblity geep durr durr deep durrr." from the quote.

@ragingdrunk: Shitty. Everytime I download a song, the file is corrupt.

I think anytime the Bears get inside the 5 they should put a Snickers bar in the end-zone and let Cutler run for it.

Q: What do Rex Grossman and a drunk & horny Michael J. Fox have in common?

@Hit Bull Win Steak: Getting close? There's more at play here than salary, and "getting close" was about a season-and-a-half ago.