Sterling is like 80 years old. I like the idea, but it's still way too late to be considering Plan B.

1. No.

It's like Hunter couldn't believe both of his i's.

Pretty sure that is George Hamilton.

I'll make sure to pass this along, GinneNyJetpack.

Why doesn't he just start watching Frasier?

When ordering a beer do it in a funny accent (like Borat) or quote a movie like Anchorman. Everyone will think you are funny and original.

People reported hearing screams before the fire. One victim has been I.D.ed as "Wilhelm".

Seems more fitting now than ever that Blake's tennis hero is Arthur Ash.

You can tell he's drunk since he's making a pass.

My full quote, which is a little kinder than the stray pieces in Rob's story would indicate:

Mike, buddy. I'm a Wizards fan. It's been a hard few years. There's no reason to pretend it hasn't.

I would wager that you are unpleasant at social gatherings.

Congratulations! With this comment, you have officially claimed the title of "Lamest Motherfucker on the Internet." Please send your address to tips@deadspin.com, so that we may send you your prize: a JanSport backpack full of dicks.

Pictured: Someone who didn't go to a collage.

This list is so fucked Derek Jeter keeps trying to give it a gift basket.

Having fallen over without reason, Scooter will now be commonly referred to as Building 7.

Breakfast foods, ranked:

WHAT IN THE ABSOLUTE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU