Alright, apparently with the new commenting rules, humor in itself is an offensive concept here. It's been real, Jezebel, have fun patting each other on the back incessantly for your "insight."

Snap Like a Diva: the tragic story of Aretha Franklin's poor, poor knees.

@Stinky McBritches: I actually almost edited my response to make an exception for the Soviet Russia, but maybe in one super ironic instance, it could be funny.

@Stinky McBritches: Wrong. Everything can be funny. If something is not funny, it's because of the joke, not the topic.

@Matt Sussman: Send a request to Andy Hutchins so that he can record them all onto a podcast.

the ability to warn you, suspend you for a week, and, of course, kick you out for continued idiocy

Pictured here, Sarah Jessica Parker cries upon realizing she left the self-tanner on for 500 minutes instead of 5.

the sort of text messages that our country's law enforcement frown upon.

How is "shower discipline" measured?

Yes, she even popped by the Deadspin office last March to discuss the possibility of her posing for the recently derailed "DeadSWIM" issue.

@UweBollocks: I miss that fucking guy. Nice one, though.

Toni Kukoc? What the hell man, that guy was A-Punk.

Drew, for what it's worth, I had opened up the Sports Guy's Week 1 preview in a tab, and gone to get lunch so I could come back and read it...but upon doing so, saw this up, and am reading this first.

Fly!!!!!! I'm me!!

ANIMALS CAN'T GO TO HEAVEN. MY SUNDAY SCHOOL TEACHER TOLD US.

Antonio Cromartie's last three car accidents resulted in the births of Porsche, Corolla, and ES350.

@ClintonPortishead: Inspired by own bit of nostalgia and a good memory, I just realized that Sunday is my own 2 year anniversary of commenting, after being approved for a comment about Charlie Weis' unfamiliarity with his own penis. What a site.

Well, sad I missed the lovefest, but better late than never. Honestly I have no clue what it was that brought me to this site in the first place, but it was Will's fresh perspective/style that made me stick (in addition to all the hilarious bastards residing in the comments section). I lurked hard for an excessively…

@Gottliebs Cards: Thank you! The first 3 posts were funny because of the novelty but since then I just shake my head when every comment gets 17 replies.