Our shenanigans are cheeky and fun, their shenanigans are cruel and tragic. 

For the record the concert wound up running to 11:30 and according to my parents it was absolutely amazing.

This isn’t what the reporters meant when they asked him if Big Ben’s winning ways rubbed off on him.

His son could tell you that unhealthy scratches are worse.

Fun Fact: in the halftime show, Big Boi rode a Cadillac down the field for more yards than the Rams had in the entire first half.

In before all the "why are you reporting it now, I haven't been able to watch the replay yet" people

the ball came spinning out counterclockwise because of the Oriolis Effect

He won because he kept vergoing and never considered verstappen.

#Dadjoke

They race ended hours ago, stop complaining about spoilers or stay off the internet on a car forum until you watch it.  

No.

I’ve been fine with the goofs so far but I would caution the team that in the event of a goal against the Netherlands they should be careful with any finger in the dike celebrations

He’s with the Angels, now still.

It’s so irresponsible for Kietzman to insinuate that Andy Reid is in any way responsible for the death of his son. Reid can’t even kill a clock. 

I mean it’s pretty obvious that Andy was always the non-disciplinarian, positive push-over parent because he has no idea how to use a time out.

Actually(Now that we’re talking about this), God HAD to be a woman.
Since the universe wasn’t build from existing materials, it had to be created from nothing, that means that the universe was ‘birthed’.
Only one sex can birth.

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE.
Christians would pound their chests and whip out their bibles to insist…

Yes, EA is indeed responsible for a lot. 

Some Silicon Valley financier just came up with an idea for a new app. The gig economy is about to make a killing.

so when the Bruins win the Cup on Wednesday will these ads then show up on the web browsers of poor children in Africa?

Penis.

Well, that’ll show ‘em! Too bad Hernandez couldn’t hang in there for a couple more years.