My freshwater pearl ovaries want nothing to do with a man who cannot distinguish "it's" from "its," regardless of his gilded spunk.

He's right. I turned 29 in June, and prior to that, my butt was perky and cellulite free. Then, on my 29th birthday, the Butt Fairy showed up at my house and injected cottage cheese into my butt and thighs, and then kicked me in the face for good measure, because 29 is the age at which women are no longer attractive.

Amen! Nothing makes you rethink chasing any beauty standard quicker than remembering "that guy" is out there;)

This isn't about the perils of negatively contrasting one's own arse with a 'better' arse in a straight man's line of sight, it's about women accepting and normalizing their own bodies and each others'. Why are you making it all about you and your dick's opinion? You sound awful, but you know that already, trolololol…

Oh, you adorable troll, you. Thank you for pointing out another benefit to exposing those lumpy thighs.... automatic douche repellent.

The year was 1991. I was looking forward to nine months full of school pictures with lasers in the background, stretch pants with seams down the front, and overly elaborate ponytails. My mother always bought the plainest supplies: the yellow pencils only. The dull folders sold in bulk. Looking back, we just didn't…

I was in a polyamorous relationship with Ryan Gosling and Gael Garcia Bernal, but they weren't comfortable sharing our relationship with the world and thought it would harm their careers, so I totally dumped them. I'm no one's secret!

I really fell like Christina has a great voice, really one of a kind, but her songs kinda suck. She needs better producers. She should have stuck with Linda Perry.

I know totally understand why Chris D'Elia was cast on Whitney. They're both about as hilarious as cancer*

bobby pins

And may we all never have a spouse like her?

Can we make a sad, sad navy blue for guys who are single because nice guys are always picked last? You know, the one who will treat you like a princess if only you don't friendzone him?

oh riiiight. my bad!

29) Question: Do "you" understand how to "properly" use quotation marks?

"Gentleman." Emphasis on the ".

Oh no, my Nana's innocence!

And when did James Van Der Beek get so damned insightful? He shocked the pants off of me.

Especially because he didn't start in a wheelchair, he was tragically shot by Rick. GEEZ. Get your goddamn Degrassi history straight if you're going to make a joke.

The majority of comments I was seeing about her in my Facebook feed and on Twitter were not calling her disgusting because of the appropriation. It was because of her tongue, her attire and her crotch-grabbing. I appreciate the reasons people don't like her choice of dance and backup dancers. I don't appreciate people…

Oh, Miley. I know that throwing off the Disney shackles is liberating (former Disney child-stars really do just go nuts, don't they?), and you feel that you could conquer the world and do anything, now, and I know you're really still just a kid, but..... it's not cute or sexy. It's just embarrassing. AND WHAT IS UP…