It’s people like this that make me consider joining Twitter.

Goddamn this guy is the worst.

If Baker didn’t tell the couple about her last-minute absence, that is indeed uncool.

Usually, when a woman says “if you were younger...” it is an attempt to flatter an older man while at the same time saying loud and clear that he is *far* too old for her to consider dating.

Sorry :(

I mean, you can ask that about children too. It’s the same connection. It may not be a rational debts/credits scenario where they say “well he destroyed a 50 dollar box we bought to keep him out and 30 dollars worth of food but he gave us 80 dollars worth of laughs and love in the last week...”

We don’t flame - we love you! We just want pets and rubs. And oh, hey if you have any bacon or cheese or really just about anything vaguely resembling food, we’re into that too....

Totally prepared for a Team Dog flaming when I ask, if he is an unstoppable eats-everything super-expensive juggernaut, why can they not imagine life without this dog? What is there about him to love to pieces? I’m not saying they should abandon him or have him put down or anything cruel or drastic, but like...what…

We had a chocolate lab who was so stupid that he eventually ran out into traffic (through the electric fence) and got himself killed. That dog was so fucking dumb.

#WeAreRollo

My pit bull was like Rollo, to a lesser degree. She once ate a Coke can. She left the ends, but ate the rest of it. This prompted our vet to suggest that I pick up all of her poops in plastic bags and *smoosh* it until I was sure that she had passed it.

I understand this dog. I mean, who among us has never chewed the locks off of a container to eat a dozen chocolate muffins?

I had a dog sort of like this. He wasn’t as keen on the non-edible items, and he was real dumb so he never figured out how to open shit, but if there was something edible anywhere accessible to him, he’d eat it. All of it. Until it was literally coming back out of both ends. Thank god for him being dumber than a box…

Considering my parents were going to buy a winter vacation house for their dog when she got older because it as be too cold for her to go for walks outside ... this dog is cheap.

No because that would be my crazy Aunt who did the following:

do you use your t-shirt to step on every step of the pavement while you’re outside? if you do, i have no idea how to talk to you.

IKR?

Fashion gives zero fucks.

Forget tatami, walking inside at all with shoes on is disgusting. I don’t want all that crap outside tracked all over my nice floors.