The mind-numbing boredom of watching baseball is a feature, not a bug. I say that with deep affection. Baseball is relaxing, basketball is exciting, and football is for emotionally stunted people forming temporary, superficial bonds with other people/male relatives.

I think you need to back up, because I don't understand what you're ranting about. I think you skipped the middle of our conversation.

Look at who you're allied with in this dynamic.

I only wanted to see two men beat each other into submission with their fists...I didn't want to see someone get hurt!

It may just be the grief over Jon Stewart, but for some reason I find his penis hilarious. I mean, it seems like a perfectly fine penis. Kudos. But man.

Maybe it was the preamble to him offering you an internship at his movie factory!

This thread is retroactively validating ALL MY IRRATIONAL CELEBHATES. It's like being born again!

He does seem like kind of a dick, but that's super disappointing. Ah well, you can join us on Team Beakman.

Awww. I hope it was only allegedly Gene Wilder.

SJP seems so cute and sweet. I love her geeking out over a station wagon on Seinfeld's talk show (Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee or whatever).

Aw, I like the twist at the end. Sweet.

You poor fool. The back of Chuck Norris's head is an expert practitioner of Dim Mak. Your ass is dead; it just doesn't know it yet.

If I was Ina Garten I'd love this story. (I mean, I'm ME and I love this story, but that's less relevant.)

'Cause he got away too fast, right? Like, unnaturally fast?

Great story! It's inspiring to think that despite struggling with eccentricities she was still a pro.

What, like a clown?

"Reflect less light onto my husband's retina!" I don't understand what she wanted from you.

Between "Patrick Stewart pees," "Carrie Fisher carries an extra cheeseburger," and "Paris Hilton is nice," this thread is giving me all kinds of cognitive dissonance.

I bet there's a "Your Most Insane Fan Encounters" thread on the secret celebrity internet where they share their most embarrassing encounters, and everybody's commiserating with Mr T over this.

Patrick Stewart...urinates? *illusion shattered*