And that is why Steven Universe is the best show.

Classic. Blame the victim.

This goes beyond “not being a nice person.” He assaulted a producer for the show for 30 seconds. No matter how much money you bring in, workplace violence tends to get people fired.

Oh. Like a penis.

Oh you bet I do!

Well, that escalated quickly.

That's SO Albert!

"She gives the standard greeting, then offers a "is this a fucking joke?" into the receiver"

I worked at an A&W and one of the dumb customer stories that has stuck with me was the one where a man asked me "How long are your guy's FOOTLONG coneys?" I promptly responded back with "Metric or Imperial?"

I know this is very old, but if my grandfather were still alive, he'd be very relieved that he wasn't the only one who did this. He was a sweet country kid who had never seen a finger bowl in his life, and he got nervous instead of waiting to see what everyone else did with it.

Like every other server, I have stories galore. My favorite still is the customer who drank his finger bowl (a lovingly prepared bowl of hot water with fancy schmancy interlocked lemon wedges at the bottom and a nice hot towel on the side) — I just asked him if the soup was good, to which he replied "ok, but it was a…

I did look up the spelling.

When I was looking to buy my first house a few years ago, we were looking at one that had a bedroom in the basement that was all cheery, with rainbows and stars and stuff painted on the walls. A pink bed, toys, all that stuff... When we left the room, I noticed a latch on the outside of the door for a padlock.

we had to do this to keep our youngest in her room at night. when she was 2 she would crawl out of bed and walk around in the middle of the night. so i turned the locks around to prevent her from getting out and possibly getting hurt if we didn't hear her get up (or worse, if she were to open up the front door and…

To all you fucking morons judging Drew because of this piece, and even judging his child:

Well, I only have one thing to add, but if it helps anyone at all I guess it is worth typing out.

This is far better than the stupid BabyCenter e-mail I received this week that offered this bit of parenting advice: Do not threaten your child by telling them that a monster will get them if they don't listen to you.

One morning you bring them breakfast in bed, and the next you spray them with the hose and punch them in the face.

As the father of a 15-year-old girl, I can vouch that some of these are good guidelines, but the most accurate bit of the Drew's piece is IT'LL NEVER WORK AGAIN.

All that stuff is bullshit. The trick is to behave as randomly as possible. Keep your kid guessing. One time your kid does something bad, you act all nonchalant. The next time you go apeshit. The next time you give the kid some candy. The next time, you have a fit in front of the kid (on the floor, screaming). …