Welcome to the new American political system, where we create the illusion of moderation by balancing the extremes.

@MarkKelsosMigraine: If I get Tommy Lee Jones surgery, can I be in Men In Black III?

@ClueHeywood: But not as bad as Tommy Hilfiger surgery, which turns you into an elitist that summers in the Hamptons.

No sticky wickets in this bunch.

@TVs_Frank: Well, #2 is pretty gruesome and in #10, Joseba Beloki broke his femur in two places, along with his wrist and elbow (and it kind of ended his career). I guess my point was more of a dig at Ranker (and its syndication here), where any idiot can find clips on YouTube and put together a "listicle".

And Fabio Casartelli's crash in 1995 that KILLED him didn't make the list because??? Oh that's right, the author of this Ranker list has never seen a bike race in his life.....

Can this be cross-posted on Jezebel? The abject horror from the commentariat would make my week.

@Chamomiles Davis: +1. He never saw that one coming.

Ahh, the Target shopping cart escalators. I bowed out of running for Father of the Year 2009 when in my excitement to send my cart up to Level 2, I forgot to remove my 2 year old daughter from the child seat. They should just have CPS agents stationed at the end of those things.

@ClueHeywood: Excellent. The lawyers and Grammar Police are out in full force.

Are you kidding??? I haven't been this excited for a press conference since R. Budd Dwyer's epic performance in '87.

I still like Aloha's 1988 campaign - "Check out our new convertible aircraft"

I thought this was going to be about getting "ICEE'd".

@aka_mich: "Oh good! You're tall enough to get the spheroid out of the peach basket without the use of a ladder."

If there are drunken outtakes of Orson offering Kermit and friends the "standard rich and famous contract," all of my happy childhood images will have been completely shattered....

Your move, Phil Mickelson

Beware the curse of the Deadspin i-Team. Tread lightly, Enrique Wilson .

In March 2007, plaintiff received a promotion to the position of XXX. In the promotion, plaintiff earned more than $250.00 per week.

Smoke's or The Palladium?