FRIES MUST BE EATEN FIRST. COLD MEAT IS EDIBLE. COLD FRIES ARE FUCKING TERRIBLE.

Woe is me. Enjoy digging yourself out to go get a couple tins of Skoal.

Who replaced his black t-shirt with Chris Christie's grade 8 prom suit?

That's why you post a video in your Facebook feed, Russ, then nobody from the NFL will ever see it.

Tortilla chips are nothing without guacamole, salsa, or some other dip to carry them. They are a conduit for getting something that actually tastes good in to your mouth.

The Burns meet a very soft penguin

One of the very best sniper films I've ever seen is Enemy At the Gates, which not coincidentally features a fully fleshed-out villain. It's hard to add complexity to someone who by definition kills at a remove, and if he does his job well, his victims never even know he exists. It's a real accomplishment to humanize…

Oh I like him.

Well I'm on the West Coast, so it's pretty exciting to think that a game between the Bills and Jag-you-arrs will already be over by the time I wake up.

I smell a potential Pats punishment.

COP #1: Sounds like Robert's got no Allen-by

Good news everyone: If the ring you had to give back in any way referenced pop culture/children's literature/anything someone else doesn't like, chin up! You were NEVER SUPPOSED TO GET MARRIED ANYWAY.

The movie itself doesn't reach for all corners of the brain, but I think his performance in Van Wilder is some of the best comedy since the late 80's/early 90's.

I still think the "slide" with 5 minutes left, was the dumbest thing I have ever seen in football.

The decision to vacate the wins was nearly two and a half years old, so it comes as no surprise that Penn State completely fucked it.

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Here, here. Every time I go to a wedding and the "good" beer is Heineken I find myself secretly hoping the couple soon will get divorced.

After further review, he is not a catch.

2015 Oscar Nominations Snub Basically Everybody Who Isn't a White Dude