Couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy.

That Traveler’s grapefruit is pretty amazing too.

#5 got jobbed. That Boogie Board surfing bit is some seriously high degree of difficulty.

Related: Why do so many swimmers get wet?

No snark: Did I miss something about the judge’s reasoning on the ban? Was there something from the mother saying it was messing with her schoolwork or something?

Fuck outta here with that.

I think it’s shorthand for the idea that the really good players get drafted out of high school, so, while in other college sports you’re watching guys who will be moving on to the pros, in college baseball, you’re mostly watching guys who never will.

Even if it did, it’s Texas, so the baseline would be way too skewed for the evaluation to do any good.

What a pussi.

This is how Shawn Kemp lost his visitation rights.

Her flat, white ass.

Every fanbase does have asshole fans! However, only one fan base goes out of its way to call itself the best fanbase in baseball, which naturally opens them up to more, how you say, scrutiny.

He shoots he Scores™!

The Las Vegas Blackjacks. Cool double entrendre, plus a nod to the city’s mob ties.

As always, you nail it here, not because of some amazing hot take, but because you understand nuance, the bane of most sports fans’ existence. LeBron is basically the Barry Bonds of the NBA (sadly, people seem to be acting like this is LeBron’s first title just because he dragged a bunch of corpses with him to get it,…

I feel for him. I think I love him.

Pretty accurate, considering that most herbs don’t show up until the dish is already delicious.

You can’t cumin here with that weak-ass shit.

Plus certain types of hate speech, the type that might encite violence (“assault speech,” if you will), isn’t protected either.