To my surprise my editors thought it showed I could think quickly. I thought it showed we needed name tags for funerals.

I remember trying to make certain everyone knew I was OK with sex workers (since obviously it appeared they were OK with the concept) but that I just wasn’t one, just like I’m OK with dentists but I’m not one (I’m pretty sure I actually used that exact analogy), and that I didn’t have sex for money. Because that…

There is literally nothing about this in Emily Post.

I basically babbled. Something along the lines of, “I’m so glad he has such an open minded and loving family, but I’m not a sex worker and I really only know him from the amazing stories my new coworkers tell me. I’m so sorry for your loss, and I’m sure I would’ve loved him but maybe not that way but maybe that way…

So a week after I started this job, a guy who no longer worked at the publication I worked for died in a car accident. I never met him, and he was a copy editor so it wasn’t like I was familiar in any way with him through what he wrote.
But nevertheless, the EOC said everyone needed to go. So I went. And somehow the…

I recently tweeted, “I DO NOT WANT TO GO TO YOUR FACEBOOK EYELASHOILFINGERNAILSTICKER PARTY.” It’s still being retweeted.

When I was pregnant with Tiny, my OB called my husband and told him to get his boosters. She did not mess around.

One district in our area has about 900 students who have opted out. In our district, there are about 700, out of an average of 165,000 students.
But I don’t worry so much about my kid (who gets all his vaccinations on time), or his classmates. I worry more about the new brother or sister at home, who won’t be…

I’ll ask my husband when I get home. He’ll know.

GODDAMNIT WHAT IF IT’S AN OPINION IN THERE? WHAT IF SHE IS HARBORING AN OPINION INSIDE HER?

Ok, is there some kind of GOP handbook that says “never use the words uterus, vagina, fallopian tube, ovary, breast...”? I ask because Trump couldn’t actually use the phrase “menstrual blood” or “period,” and Carson - a doctor - is resorting to “what’s inside a woman.”

Also, this was the last time I tried to be creative with his food. Tiny asked for a Hamburger Man, with pickle arms. We didn’t have spears, so I had to use chips. Then everyone asked why the Hamburger Man had boobs, and why he was topless, and I quit being fancy with my kid’s food.

I’m currently watching a Twitter discussion erupt over this post, complete with a person who is not a parent telling everyone to simmer down because it’s our fault we allow ourselves to be drawn into these competitions.
They clearly haven’t met the Volunteer Parent Cabal. They will indeed judge your parenting skills…

That's how they do pants ... IN PRISON.

We gave a wedding mix tape (or CD, whatever) as a favor. Included on that was "It Takes Two." Nearly five years later, we still get texts from people saying, "I'm playing your CD." And we had a full circle moment last week when we took the tiny person to see Yo Gabba Gabba Live and BIZ MARKIE COMES OUT AND PLAYS PART…

Sure. Are we making him cry or just move out of the country?

I always fantasized about washing Tim Riggins' hair. Not just because that would be sexy fun, but mostly because IT ALWAYS NEEDED WASHING. I used to yell, "wash your hair, Tim Riggins," at least once an episode.

Hmpfh. Anybody who read 1989 Tiger Beat knew that already.

I find myself really needing to know how Sam Lufti has money for food and internet.

I have to correct some of this: Duncan was not turned away because he had no insurance. Copious stories have been done regarding this and how it is pretty unlikely, and I'm wholly getting tired of this false narrative. This hospital is a non-profit and treats the Vickery Park neighborhood it is adjacent to regardless…