YOU'RE PRETTY AND YOU'RE NOT REAL. I'M REAL.

Slightly off topic, but can I have a moment to grouse about the fact that there are no Kristoff costumes for little boys who stated adamantly every week since August that they wanted to be Kristoff for Halloween? They simply did not make any. So now I have to. I will remind him of this when it comes time to decide on…

so the story I saw in my Facebook feed featured a picture (apparently there are stock photos of vagina cookies?) was of vagina cookies. And I have to say I like sprinkles usually, but now I'm not sure I'll ever be able to see them as anything other than faux pubic stubble.

when I started reading about them today, I had the exact same thought. I WOULD TOTALLY WATCH THIS. Unlike game of thrones, where I need a spreadsheet to keep up with everyone. I watched 3 episodes and realized I was actively rooting for more people to die just so I didn't have to remember who was who.

We use the correct terms, too. But I will confess: I will miss it when he no longer says "peepis" and "beergina."

is that the wrong side or the right side of her face? Isn't there one side that is apparently horribly disfigured to the point that her flacks make people delete photos of it?

As someone with Celiac, can I get my nothing burger protein style?

FWIW, I can drive to Mexico tomorrow and buy Cytotec, legally, over the counter and then go home and take it. From what I understand from interviews of doctors who perform abortions in Texas, many women are doing just that. Then they go to the ER and claim they are having a possible miscarriage, because they know what…

I learned to never, ever respond to "do you love dogs?" Even if their profile says they're a veterinarian.

How do you choose between an anthropomorphic soul patch and ex-Mr. Goop?

I feel like it needs more explanation. Is it really as big as an eggplant, this penis of his? Is that maybe actually an eggplant? It um, is so girthyish.

That's boring. Let's pretend it is a mole in the shape of a Kid n Play fade.

I really need to know what's on that side of her face.

I've spent most of the day explaining why I don't think this will change one iota who is and is not voting for her, and why disclosing this on her terms was both brave personally and smart politically.

Back in the day, I had an OK Cupid profile. This would happen occasionally, and while they ranted, I looked them up on Facebook. Then I would look for certain friends: his mom, a wife, a girlfriend ... Then I would send him the link to their profile and say, "you cool with me sending these screenshots to this lady?"…

I agree with everyone else - ask your friends if they feel comfortable with their doctor, and then try to make an appointment with that doctor. If all else fails, I've used a combination of yelp, ZocDoc and HealthTap to help me narrow down well-reviewed doctors. And don't take your pants off for any doctor that won't…

need a hug, chuckles?

Exactly. Cops would've been called, and a DCFS file opened on my parents if what happened to me happened today. But then, it was just "oh, we have a stray. Let's try to keep her alive til her parents show."

By the time I was 6, I had two little sisters. We went on our first family vacation that year, and (now that I know what kind of hell it is to share a hotel room with children) my parents weren't exactly relaxing. By the end of the trip, their plan was to load up the car while we were all still asleep (when you're…