I wish I could post pictures here. Because the tiny person in our house has this dry erase board where every day we practice writing his name, age, the date, day of the week, and then this fill in the blank sentence about what the weather is like. The um, answers to that last one can vary wildly.
CanIHave4Beers
CanIHave4Beers
the hubs carries a canvas messenger bag when he goes out with the Tiny Human solo. Extra underwear, extra wipes, baggies, emergency snacks - none of that fits so well in pockets.
I've seen a metric shit ton of glee on my twitter feed and Facebook feed today. And I'm conflicted. On the one hand, schadenfreude and irony. On the other, it always makes me a little uneasy when people say things like, "I hope his kid turns out gay," or "what if his wife left him for another woman?" because it almost…
My father committed suicide when I was 25. He had disappeared after he and my mom divorced, and just surfaced suddenly about eight months before. We talked daily on the phone, and his friends would call me occasionally and warn me not to bring up where he had been the whole time, because he wasn't in a good place. I…
If you have a changing pad, can't you do a quicky on the bathroom floor? Not ideal, but I have managed to change diapers in changing table-less places before. I've also asked servers if they had a place to change diapers once, and they brought me a chair to use. Not ideal, but mama macguyvered just fine.
this story has so many onions in it. So many. Now I've made the face water.
1. If you ever did an Upper Decker in my only bathroom right before you left my party.
it's one of the reasons I don't watch.
I would like to invite S.E. Cupp to drive around Texas with me and see how easy it is to find an abortion provider. The trip should take a super long time because abortions are so easy these days. She should pack many underwears.
Truth. The small human that lives in our house is on this "I want to walk in the store" kick. I liked it better when I had to throw my back out to fling him into a shopping cart. The other day we went to CVS and I had to go looking for him three times - and thankfully two of the three times he was talking to the giant…
You should see what happens when I bust out the laser pointer.
I have a three year old. I'm willing to bet this delicious muffin in my hand that it was not dogs or freedom, but the possibility of unsupervised toilet paper rolls that got that toddler to bravely breech that fence.
"And when they pulled the beds apart two days later, a small red fern had - inexplicably - sprouted in the Berber carpet beneath them." - the part the story left out, but it's ok because I added it just now.
true story, even my pretty damned progressive husband had no clue about how babies were made beyond sperm do-si-doing the egg. I had to explain ovulation, female cycles, etc., when we decided to try to make a human. He literally thought that right after my period an egg popped out and hung out in my uterus all month…
Where do you think I got the idea? Revenge doesn't have to be original, just brutally effective.
I crop dusted the Chanel counter one day when they ignored me five times. Apparently ducking in after the gym to pick up more perfume for a birthday gift is a signal you're a poor.
I dated a guy who was surprised by my accidental fart during the honeymoon period where you pretend your lips always look that shade of pink and your skin is always poreless upon waking. He was so flummoxed I legit asked him if he thought angels carried my gasses away in little silk bags scented with the dew of a…
A friend of mine got told on the Fourth of July that her husband wanted a divorce. He blamed her for everything - she was too in to her career, she wasn't getting pregnant fast enough, and a bunch of other douche canoe things in a list that smelled, shall we say, fishy, from the beginning.
if this many people are telling you this is not an article about immigrants getting welfare, maybe it's not an article about immigrants getting welfare.