That’s because it was some outrageous bullshit.

What did he care about the dress anyway? I guess I’m being a little sexist, but they’re the BRIDESmaids. Not the Groomsmaids. It’s none of his business what they wear.

What a great thought by your MOH!

We asked for no gifts but our friends got us things anyway. Most of them gave us donations to Heifer International, but some of them gave us really beautiful objects as well. Vases and things.

What’s up with these grief givers anyway?

Huh. When did the processional thing start? 2013? 2014? It’s definitely recent.

Get me one too, willya?

Too bad you didn’t make the gift a charitable donation. THAT would have taught the greedy bitch a lesson.

Oh God. I can’t believe you lived. (Speaking as a wife.)

Nope, not crying. At all.

This is low even for you, Pinkham.

No.

I’m thinking rabies. No sedatives or Milwaukee Protocol or anything like that, of course. Asshole can kick it old school. Since most of the 55, 000 annual human sufferers are children, it would have a certain poetic justice.

And coming soon! Too bad we’re taking so many innocent bystanders with us.

I think a lot of us are with you there. It takes more charity (?) than most of us have ever heard of to move beyond that visceral rage.

So sorry. Were you close?

That’s one MINISCULE silver lining! Super impressed you could find it without the aid of an electron microscope! Seriously, so sorry about the despicable treatment you encountered. Be good to yourself. You’re my hero for surviving.

I think it’s included in the list because some people report becoming addicted to porn. Others, even without being concerned about addiction, report wishing to decrease their consumption.

You need a sane brunette with a GREAT dye job!

Pepperoni lady cannot possibly be defended. I suck at math and have never worked in food service, and she makes me want to punch her in the face.