My LaCrosse would open the trunk if you held the auto-lock button on the door down for a few seconds. Kind of a hidden in plain sight feature (took me over a year to realize it was there).

He always looks like he just rolled off a cot in the drunk tank.

Every pop song must yell HEY in the background.

I was a White House intern in the Y2K office. We’d get so many faxes and postcards from these wackos. The “huge $50 million dollar command bunker” was pretty sweet. Except I don’t remember it being a bunker. It was just in an office building.

I judge all other internet car jump videos against this one.

A minute later, the server returned and said “This just got really weird. They want the whole cake, unbaked.” So I put almost three cups of raw, several day old, red velvet batter in a large bowl and sent it out.

The Chevy that launches itself out of a bear lair.

Ever had someone come to your party and ask you what brand of hot dogs you’re grilling? No, you haven’t! Because that doesn’t happen.

Take that watch off, put it in the basket, and try again.

Bub is okay. I think Maru is the best internet cat!

When he sees it...

“What are you looking at?” “What are you looking at?”

I need my own bathroom because I can’t have ANYONE else in there with me.

“They look terrifying. But they aren’t,” Solo says, stroking the tops of their heads as the dogs nuzzle into her hand. “They have this reputation they don’t deserve. Like they are bred to be evil or something.” She smiles wanly. “People don’t see. Inside they are just the sweetest things.”

I bought a used car years ago that gets Sirius/XM and have never paid one thin dime for it. Do they sell lifetime subscriptions that follow the car or something?

Ha! No one ever knows what I mean when I call it the “Stroh’s Curve!”

I demand BoKu!!

He’s just trying to say “I Love You”.