We watched the Bob’s Burgers episode “Long Time Listener, First Time Bob” the other night and I found myself audibly agreeing with Bob every time he criticized sweet potato fries: I like the way he thinks!

With Ser Pounce as his hand.

People wash their chicken?? 

Today’s Comedy Bang Bang is ten hours long, with 41 guests.

Or he’ll show Thanos a clip from Mac and Me, Thanos will stand there wondering what the fuck he just watched, and then everybody kicks the shit outta Thanos.

You spend one morning actually working, and you miss out on the call of a lifetime. That’ll learn me to be a good employee.

Maybe Matt Groening really is a time traveler? He’s been warning us this whole time and we didn’t listen. We didn’t listen....

I think we’re done here. We can wrap this thread up, thanks for coming out everyone.

Simpsons did it.

Sometimes I just feel like Jon Snow. Just want to keep repeating none of this matters. That unless we don’t get him out in 2020. We’ll all be done. Report is great. But if we don’t win some of the rust belt. He could win again. If we don’t pick a strong candidate who has the strength to stand up to his stupidity and…

I just left a hipster coffee shop.  It was PACKED with former Dallas Cowboys practice squad rejects talking about how shoe companies funnel money to players for NCAA recruiting efforts.

What’s next, a monkey with 4 asses?!

Part of all the money you spend at Chick Fil A still goes to an athletic organization for young people (including those figuring out who they love) that teaches that homosexuality is a sinful choice. That teaching to a young gay person often leads to suicide. So. Eat your chicken with a side of preventable youth…

Middle school aged kids are the absolute worst conceivable beings. They’re just bundles of absurd hormones desperately seeking validation from their idiot peers and they inevitably making the dumbest fucking decisions possible. Source- I was a shitty middle schooler.

“What makes a man turn neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality?”

Yeah, you never been to a bodega, or anywhere with “flavor”, stop with those lies.