Matthew McConaughey thinks fanny packs are alright, alright, alright! (Did I do the joke right? Is that how it goes?)

MCCONAUGHEY F-PACK INVENTORY MANIFEST

"He was reportedly in possession of "a pizza and a small amount of cash.""

Assholes. God forbid we use this time to open a dialogue about mental illness and offer condolences.

Is that like Sierra Mist? Is it good?

I would never mix breast milk and Sprite. Mountain Dew is the only soda that goes with breast milk. Everybody knows that.

Perverse love of Schadenfreude makes me wish it were Donnie Wahlberg.

James Marsden in 30 Rock = perfect.

I expected way more. I expected actual gold lamé but we got lame gold.

Remember in "A League of Their Own" when Madonna was talking to that photographer from Life Magazine and she said, I'll do this or that and then, "Oops my bosoms come out!" and Rosie O'Donnell was all, "Everyone's already seen your bosoms". That's how I feel about Kim K and her selfies. Yawn!

You'd think some of the money they save short changing women on salaries could go to free tampons for all.

I actually had the Julia Stiles drunken table dance scene from 10 Things I Hate About You in mind when I read that.

I also got my passport pics taken at CVS, and they're some of the best pics that have been taken of me in my life. Given that pics taken in all other circumstances are generally terrible, I think it's safe to say that CVS is just good at taking opposite pics. Therefore, I'm gonna be doing all my partying,…

Hilarious! Real Housewives of Galilee

I've been wanting to use this.

There's a surprising lack of sexual chemistry in those pap shots of Sofia Vergara and Joe Manganiello. I'm sadly beginning to suspect this all might be for publicity. Maybe I should email their PR team and recommend a leaked sex tape, just to be sure.

Retta is a better woman than I.

Old people

My wish for Mark Walhberg is that is daughter is just amazing and sex positive and sleeps with whomever she's attracted to and owns her sexuality and keeps him in the fucking loop throughout all of it.