That saber did it for me. Is this a saber grandpa got for academic achievement or a saber that was once coated with the blood of an enemy (or innocent)? In any case, why would you want that shit cutting cake that you will put in your mouth? Or will that cake haunted with ancient blood be given to peasants?

i love this gif. favorite ever. Thanks for making my day.

That is all.

Elisabeth van Lawick van Pabst-Koch

Me, too. Thank gawd I feel hot and sexy even though I am fat as hell!

So that leaves Ryan Lochte open to pursuing sex-idiot as a full-time job?

Yeah, I've got a webcam for those dirty motherfuckers:

I still only meet potential mates at a record store. It perhaps explains my monastic dating life.

They way I remember it is you have to get laid. So lie down is the act of doing it yourself, but lay down means someone put you there. I lie down on the bed; I lay my shirt on the bed.

This is some navel-gazey fluff for sure, but it's hardly misogynist or otherwise worthy of contempt. Why is this special? Why the need to pull it from the classifieds, hold it up, and mock it? Kinda cruel, yo. Don't we all have little idealized snapshots of the perfect relationship hiding in our brains?

Here, I'll go…

She's not imaginary, she's from Canada. We met at summer camp. I don't have any photos cause her family is really strict about that stuff.

I got approached during the last election by someone with a pamphlet and she introduced herself by saying "politican X believes women should have the right to abort at any gestation without consideration for the rights of the unborn!" And I responded "really? He sounds fucking great! I'm gonna vote for that guy!…

Ahhhhh, that one was so good. I started watching The Simpsons when I was around 8 or 9, and that's the first episode I can recall that was genuinely moving to me, even as a kid.

The episode about how Lisa got her saxophone (and how Homer sacrificed getting an a/c—TWICE—for her). DEATH BY FEELS.

This is almost as bad as the time this happened.

Oh, don't worry, some of us thought your joke was fucking hilarious; it was one of the few comments during the past two days that made me laugh out loud. Never forget Internet commenters neurotic OCD compulsions for pointing out mistakes so they can make other people feel stupid, even when they are clearly meant as…

"I am someone from E News."

"Nothing but pre-approved credit card offers and Pottery Barn catalogs..."

Oh yeah I know and I really do hate when people are snobby with books/music/movie ect, if someone gets joy out of something then who is anyone to try take that away. But I do swear I had more sophisticated reading when I was a teenager then I do now, but with so little time to read I just want it to be something…

"he forgot about the cloud, and the cloud is all full of butts."