...the right thing for the Bulls to do...

I don’t think that was just a tip, it really felt like the whole shaft. 

Back and to the left. Back and to the left.

Hoiberg can now become The Mayor of Chicago. He has already shown how he can greatly reduce gun violence by greatly reducing Chicago’s firepower. 

The Bills have a Halle Berry play where Nathan Peterman throws straight into traffic, wrecks the Bills, and then flees to the bench. 

To be fair, expensive fake implants have often been a ticket to success in Los Angeles.

It’s not that surprising that Fitzpatrick would use condoms improperly, he’s historically struggled against tight coverage.

Gruden’s rationalizations are so ridiculous I expect him to reveal that Mack was traded for eating his peas one at a time.

Even as a Bears fan, I had to admire how he trolled Kyle Fuller by throwing a pass right at him just to prove he would drop the easiest interception in his life. Reminded me of Crash Davis daring Nuke to throw at his head.

It is like the Sistine Chapel if you dunked it in mayonnaise and then fried it with bologna. 

In Jacksonville, “Swamp Ass” may refer to the location of an individual’s residence and an assessment of their personality. 

Jerry Richardson seems like a man who would have organized the Battle Royal in Invisible Man.

The Bills making it to four Super Bowls is like Portugal once being a world power, an historical fluke that will never, ever happen again.

I imagine after Jordan Peterson helped Pete Carroll clean his room, he found even more Loose Change. 

That “2 Amendment” jersey should be the cover of the future text book, “The Rise and Fall of the American Empire, 1776-2020"

[Alarm clock turns from 5:59 to 6:00 AM. “I Got You Babe” begins to play. A BENGALS FAN lies in bed and opens his eyes.]

Mark Davis looks like he should be in an Austin Powers movie as the sickly villain Ginger Ail. 

My simple pizza rule is that the crust should be at least as firm as my erections, which means that I will be ready to eat NY-style pizza when I am 97 years old.

And didn’t just win, they regularly spanked the Bears, particularly the Monday Night monsoon game where they destroyed the Bears when they retired numbers for Butkus and Payton at halftime.