As a long-time Bears fan, it was hard to believe the quarterback overthrowing receivers, holding onto the ball too long, and getting strip sacked wasn’t playing for Chicago. 

This fan base is Delta House with all the intentional comedy removed. 

+1 Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test

Thankfully it only applies to conversations with him. But we talk all the time, especially during the season. 

Yes, I meant Super Bowl wins. I have the Sexy Rexy Bowl and he has the McNabb Vomit Bowl and the Plunkett Bowl.

My best friend for the last 35 years is as die-hard of an Eagles fan as I am a Bears fan (meaning we are two idiots who will hold onto the 1 Super Bowl we will experience tighter than any actual meaningful moment from our sad lives).

Thank you for sharing. It is helpful to know that, if we’re going to walk to our doom on the top deck of the Poseidon, at least we will not be alone.

He looks like he’s lugging that bat to Golgotha before his crucifixion.

He was probably trying to throw outside.

It wouldn’t surprise me if Pete Carroll greeted combine participants completely naked and asked them to smell the cologne on his wrist before recruiting them to sell Confederated Products.

Honestly, that is Princess Bride “land war in Asia” quality.

Roethlisberger is what you get when you dilute Tom Brady with Ryan Leaf until you have a QB who wins just enough to sell expensive seats to the same corporate d-bags who ran working class jobs out of Pittsburgh, but also has a personality Pennsyltuckians can relate to.

The Panthers are the most McMansiony of all the newer NFL teams. There’s a flashy surface value to them that covers up cheap drywall, a leaky roof, and faulty plumbing that always need fixing every couple years. They have the personality of a subdivision called Gridiron Grotto where there’s an artificial lake that is…

He looks and writes like a Heritage Foundation Gollum lusting after his cock ring of power.

Toilet hoagie feels like a Magary move.

Their fanbase is a Ted Nugent song come to life.

Full name: Charles Bukowski Jr.

Honestly I do this all the time with the 85 Bears so I can’t throw a brick through that glass house. 

The Bills once being Super Bowl contenders is like the Republican Party once championing black civil rights: a historical fact that seems like a myth and also something that will never, ever happen again. 

During every Lions home broadcast, the pan shots of the Lions crowd should be set to that Sarah McLachlan song they play during the abused animal commercial.