This team has been around 40 years yet still feels like a fake pro football team featured in a movie that couldn’t get the rights to show a real NFL team. 

Or the Jets logo made up of a hundred goatse icons.

The Broncos are the McMansion of the NFL. Newish, at one point seemed ritzy and posh, but now out of style and desperately in need of some renovations because the chintzy workmanship is falling apart. And Elway is the owner who refuses to lower his asking price because of all the money he put into things like the…

Jim Irsay seems like a character from the Breaking Bad universe who always plays his Eagles Pandora station while ordering Marvin Harrison to make another hit.

Some people see a glass that is half empty. Some people see a glass that is half full. Donald Trump sees a glass that could be overflowing if MS-13 and feminists and the Deep State didn’t all have their straws in it which is why we need to build a wall around the glass. By the way, I used to make Trump glass, best…

All that time with the Redskins receiving corps has given him extensive experience making the most out of discarded remains.

I AM a real boy!

“The clear answer is that the Deep State has the capacity for time travel, went back in time using their fusion-powered Prius like the murderous soy boys they are, and told Jim Jordan about these abuses so they could then accuse him of lying 25 years later.” -- Alex Jones

I like how Annie is extremely knowledgeable, passionate about the game, AND occasionally full of shit. That always struck me as such a realistic touch, because it’s natural for someone who knows a lot about a sport to act with authority about it 100% of the time even when they are dead wrong about something. She’s not…

Coming soon, Paul Hogan is Crapadile Dungdee

The worst part for Conforto was when the open door took him through a grove of trees to a streetlamp, where a Yankees jersey-clad Mr. Tumnus grabbed his crotch and said “Yo, I got your ground-rule double right here!”

Doctors warned that they may suffer permanent tinnitus due to their brass balls being relocated to their ear canals.

Waked: As we gather to mourn the loss of our mother, let us not dwell on our differences, but instead celebrate her life and wish we had more time to mend our relationship with her.

Jim Tomsula is probably clinging to the chassis like a lamprey on a shark, waiting for the night time when he can scrounge for leftover food scraps, vitamins, and bicep oil.

Seriously, what kind of monster does any kind of food preparation in a work bathroom? That is someone with human limbs under his floorboards.

Pretty sure the next chapter of this story will end with the murder of dry cleaner Bobby Pinkus.

I look forward to tempering my anger at watching the Chicago Bears lose with monetary gains from betting that the Chicago Bears lose.

Anyone who uses the phrase “man card” without irony is definitely packing a snub nose.

We had a company party at a place where you could get in the big Sumo suits and wrestle. The suits were surprisingly tight, and once I managed to get into it, the seal around my neck kept much air from getting out.

And to think everyone would have written him off before the game.