This franchise would attract more local fans if they renamed themselves the Preppers and had fan giveaways like free potassium iodine and bandoliers

No surprise that Carson Wentz loves wounded ducks.

Hi, long-time listener, first-time caller. There is no quarterback controversy because da Bears have a quarterback, and his name is Mick Trabinksi. I haven’t seen a guy trow like dat since McCown was QB—and we woulda won a Super Bowl if he had stayed on the team, but dat’s anudder story. You can’t have what’s-his-name…

Every Saints game feels like drunk Madden where you accidentally switch to the safety and run the opposite direction of the receiver.

Right, the casting is incredible. His sidekick was a character actor who played the cable guy in a Seinfeld, and the main princess was Julia Duffy from Newhart. It was a comically bad show.

There was a show in the 80s called Wizards and Warriors that featured a mix of American and British accents. I couldn’t find a clip of the princess character, but I think she had a quasi-Valley Girl accent because showrunners in the 80s would slap anything together in their coked-out minds. I watched every episode…

The Bengals feel like a guy who finishes in the middle of a hot dog eating contest. Yes, they are not the worst, but at the end all they have to show for it is wet bun on their face and a mountain of shit they have to flush away.

I guess Jerry Richrdson must really hate Jesus for his long hair, constant sandal wearing, and wicked piercings.

Nothing shatters the illusion of America being a meritocracy like reading about NFL owners, with Dean Spanos as their poster child.

I had one of those typical experiences where my dad explained how the stick shift process worked in 2 sentences and then took me into traffic to learn. We lived in hilly San Diego then, so an hour and 40 stalls later, we came back home. I was so mad that I yelled at my dad like I never would have dared of doing (he…

Tom Coughlin returns the franchise to glory in The Silver Hair

Jay Cutler was the stepdad who put a roof over your head but forgot your birthday and pulled out a $5 bill when her remembered 2 weeks later. He also got drunk at family picnics and when your mom got mad, he would huck a football 60 yards and ask her if that limp dick she was with before could do that.

I think this pretty well sums up being a Browns fan.

I agree. My grandfather was a trucker who made a lot of runs out to California, and he not only referred to it as “Frisco,” but he called San Diego “Day-go” for some reason I never bothered to uncover because I hated talking to him.

Kinky! I also would be happy with The Mountain riding a crossbow bolt Slim Pickens-style.

+1 llama

“That’s 100 percent true,” said Sherman. “And I’ve said worse. And I’ve said worse to Doug [Baldwin], and I’ve said worse to [Jermaine] Kearse. Because iron sharpens iron, as one man sharpens another.”

DIRECTOR: “Tom, that was brilliant, but how about one more take where you really look like you want to masturbate on that mattress.”

The secret to Tom Brady being able to stay in remarkable shape is that the picture he keeps in his attic looks like shit.

The palest of ales.