If I were an NBA player and had to guard a Euro and/or guy with a man-bun, I would use that stuff Jody Foster rubbed under her nose in Silence of the Lambs, the kind of smell blocker that lets you look at a corpse that washed up in an industrial canal.

This call would have completely destroyed half of Morris Buttermaker’s coaching strategy.

Hey, a kid needs a filled Q Zone to grow properly.

His Twitter reads like Penthouse Forum if you swapped out the ludicrous sexual scenarios for ludicrous violence scenarios. “You won’t believe this, but as I was walking through the airport, this smoking hot libtard woman grabbed my MAGA hat...”

My favorite salted chemically flavored snack ever. I used to get them from the concession stand after my Little League games.

Well said. I hate his ass face as much as I have despised anyone in my lifetime, but Angus King was right when he said that impeachment is an option filled with sadness. Having to remove a president, no matter what you think of that president, is terribly damaging to the country. He is not going to serve out his term,…

Well, shoot, there goes the excuse I kept telling myself every time I saw Jay Cutler throw a pass right at a defender.

+9 Revolutions

“Pick up that blood!”
—Brian Doyle Murray

+1 spitter in the dirt

+2 family jewels

After reading this, Ryan Pace is going to spend his weekend figuring out how can trade for both of them.

Wait until LaVar Arrington finds out Tomsula has been living for past three months in a suit of armor in Arrington’s chess room.

Oh yeah, there’s nothing like a six pack and hours of Rock Band drumming with the volume turned up louder than Freedom Rock when my wife and kid are gone.

I only wish that someone in the crowd had hit Rod Blum with a butter sculpture of Rod Blum being hit with a butter sculpture.

That catch was exciting as was the 9th inning comeback, but for the extra innings, I felt like the Cubs were just, just, just wasting time.

I guess he’s not immune to the lure of television.

All major cities in America have serious racism issues, but Boston is the New York Yankees of racist cities.

+3 sets of 8-10 Falafel Rubs

[Tries to think of witty comeback]