Are we sure this isn’t a typo and Jimmy Haslam actually hired Phil Jackson?

Mike Brown: [sees baby eating candy]

The other leaving-your-kid scenario that’s hard is if the kid is asleep, you realize you need something from the store, and you debate whether you could leave the sleeping child at home for a brief time. I live three blocks from a Walgreens, and there have been times when I have been on solo parent duty and notice at…

Yep. My daughter is seven, and the combination of excessive clauses, nonsequitirs, and obsessive detail sometimes reads like kiddy Aaron Sorkin dialogue. Plus children do not give a shit what is going on when they want something. Demanding Thriller while dealing with a sibling's phallic laceration sounds about right.

Just wait until he has a second son and names him Clipboard.

In a way that only an asshole American like myself could, the Vietnamese guide’s story made me feel better about liking football. “Look, those poor people had REAL problems and they are just fine. A few concussions ain’t gonna hurt no one no how. Pass the dip and a cold 333, I wanna see if loopy Brian Hoyer tries to…

GM Jason Licht: Coach Smith, I’m afraid we are letting you go.

The most terrible thing about Geddy Lee is that we may never see him sing with Rush again

One summer when I was in college, I worked the 6am-2:30 shift at a grocery story, but once a week I had to cover a 5am-1:30 shift. The degree of difficulty between getting up at 5 am vs. 4 am increased about 7000%.

Perhaps the NFL could reach a fan-friendly compromise by letting Odell Beckham, Jr. and other angry football players physically take out their frustrations on Sandy Hook Truthers. It would promote good sportsmanship on the field while also providing a must-see halftime show.

Steve Smith believes ODB should get suspended for not knocking Josh Norman out.

Good points, but at the same time Castro was very frustrating as a player. The three-time All-Star tag is a bit misleading. He was horrible for most of 2015, then got on a heater and got flipped for about the maximum value the Cubs could get for him. He is just too streaky to rely on for most of the season, especially…

Chip Kelly tried to debunk Werder’s report by running a sweep for the source, but he immediately lost ground and had to punt.

This movie is a fine slice of Verhoeven, and the little asides between scenes remain some of the best satire ever in a sci-fi movie. I almost always watch at least 15-20 minutes if I happen to see it’s on. But the one thing that always bothers me: where are the fucking tanks?

+1 uncomfortably long cigarette ash.

It’s very easy. Just tell them they should never, ever get into the trunk when it’s open. Then hide behind the far side of the car while the trunk is open, wait 30 seconds, and close the trunk.

Ratliff: “I am the devil.”

+1 Letter from Paul to the Commenters

Jim Tomsula should be on Naked and Afraid, but it would have to be called Naked and Happy Not to be Coaching the 49ers.

It really was odd, like a Hollywood movie where a tile salesman who was also die-hard Bears fan got to do the marble floors in the foyer of the owner’s home. The two get talking and the owner loves this guy’s ideas so much, he makes him the head coach. The players hate him at first, until his unconventional ideas and…