Speaking as someone who worked as a grocery store clerk along the Illinois-Wisconsin border while I was in high school and college, I can assure you that those 12 employees put a great deal of thought and reflection into their statements, and made absolutely certain they recalled the facts correctly. There is no way…

"...they replaced him with another guy who sounded pretty much exactly like his predecessor..."

Just you wait and see, this gay marriage will surely undermine the solid heterosexual marriages that umpires currently have.

Exactly. They have looked really bad so far, but it's a long season. I expect that 20 games from now this conversation will seem very premature, and by playoff time they will look very formidable. As a Bulls fan, I would love nothing better than to see them suck all year long, but I just don't see that happening.

Best use of a human shield in cinematic history.

There's also D.KSS

I had a testicular biopsy for fertility reasons, and I had my first prostate exam when I went to see the urologist. I wish he had been a joker. Instead, he was just trying to make small talk why he was examining me.

"Shoot, it's part of playing this position [to] get knocked up here and there. I feel as good as I could ask to feel at this point in the marriage."

Thurman Thomas tried this once, but he lost one of his kids until the spring thaw.

The Godfather is my big one. I've planned to watch the first and second movies a bunch of times, but it always feels like a homework assignment.

I really like Tarantino movies, and Pulp Fiction is one of my all-time favorites, but Reservoir Dogs hasn't held up for me as I've gotten older. It came out when I was in college and I loved it. Then I saw it for the first time in a while a couple years ago and couldn't get over how amateur it seemed compared to his…

Given that the copy in the layout is touching Cutler, it's no surprise the story had a rash of typos.

Even the CIA wouldn't subject terrorists to Chicago sports radio right now.

I really don't get the vitriol that Bulls fans have about Rose. I want to see him healthy and play, and I cringe every time he tweaks something. But we're talking about a team led by one hard-ass of a coach, and HE doesn't seem to have a lot of issues with it. Sure, he may be toeing the company line, but Thibs and all…

It made the rounds again on one of the movie channels and I saw it for the first time in forever. It still holds up pretty well. I had forgotten how funny the dialog was. "Okay, but you can't say, 'I felt horny.' You have to say something like, 'I felt...moved.'"

Demographic: Men with erectile dysfunction

The trade for Cutler was fine, I think that was a worthwhile gamble, especially given how the Bears usually squandered their first round picks with Angelo anyway. And McCown wasn't the answer. But the Cutler contract looks like a salary cap noose right now. Giving him that contract looked okay considering the market…

Never thought I would say this as a Bears fan, but can we have Kyle Orton back?

They have been particularly awesome with this season's Jambaroos. The tennis rackets one and the Robert Duvall one were also some of the best ever.

I have a six-year-old daughter, and she likes me to read The Giving Tree from time to time. I have always seen it as painting the boy in a bad light. You don't sympathize with him; you do with the tree. But in the end, none of the things the boy takes from the tree makes him happy. It's only when he comes back and…