[Sees headline, Watching NFL Rookies Find Out Their Madden Ratings Is the Best]

Ballard: Your honor, the defense rests!

My advice to her: Fuck that guy.

Oh, how I will miss his Maginot Line defense, gravity-boots vertical leaping ability, and slow jumper that's like watching someone dial a rotary phone.

Johnson said that his way of getting back in the league would be to "fuck anybody that's in front me."

+1 caught predator

The jizzing may not be intentional. Sometimes in the interest of spicing things up, a married couple may have sex on their couch while watching Emmanuelle Through Time: Emmanuelle Goes HUAC, only to realize post-coitus that there has been collateral damage and praying to the god of yuppiedom that Pottery Barn still…

Fartboobs, I laughed at your username and also because it made me think of Doug Stanhope performing as "Shitty Fat Tits" on Louie, which earned another laugh. So bravo to you, good sir.

No one forces anyone to go into any profession, so that's not really a solid argument. The point is that, regardless of whether Erin Andrews is any good at her job, she and other female sports reporters tend to have sexist criticisms thrown at them as well. A female reporter like Erin Andrews can't just be gutless,…

You could tell from the "no one understands the Cloud" joke in the previews how much of a jizz-stained throw pillow this flick would be.

Doesn't matter what genetalia they have, most sports broadcasters/"reporters" are completely irrelevant and do nothing to enhance the sport they're covering.

+1 walkoff home run.

The good news is that this will give him a chance to become one of the most in-demand types of players, a lefty with a sweet stroke.

Yes, Eli's interception/attempt rate was actually a little worse than Geno's last year. He looked like he was the star of Regarding Eli where he lost his memory and forgot how to play football.

If you got to do a Super Bowl commercial for Deadspin, what idea would you pitch?

What's a guy gotta do to get more respect than Brian Hoyer around here?

That is perfect.

I feel like "Ingesting Cincinnati chili" should be on this list.

What better inspiration for an NBA team than a man who had road beef before there were roads?

Thankfully they were not covering a Yes song, the keyboard player would have died in a six-Casio collapse.