"Sir, to let you in on a family secret, Bill Walton's grandmother was Dutch."

I really wish NBA TV would give Chuck and Kenny a talk show where they brought on old NBA players to talk about past shenanigans. I still want to know what a Cliff Robinson shower is.

I don't believe the wife-boning theory because that would require someone on this team scoring regularly.

It is impossible for the Cubs to save anything these days.

It was probably in the process of being repossessed.

Does ELO win the Fruitiest 70s Rock Album Cover Bowl? Or is a band logo spaceship that looks like a Simon game not enough to beat any Yes album cover?

This is a terrible lawsuit, but it's also not surprising that the Bills paid a lot for a defense that couldn't win.

So now we learn that both bunnies and overweight, ineffectual presidents can take down a bull moose.

That is fantastic.

Ha, I feel like I should buy you one and a bucket of ice after reading yours. I had a testicular biopsy years ago that left me in pain for a week and I feel like I got off easy after reading what you wrote.

I love the way you wrote this and also hate that you wrote it so well I could really feel every pain, both physical and psychological.

If only there had been a VHS cloud. That really sucks.

I was fourteen and playing baseball, a local league after I was the last person to miss the cut on my freshman high school team. However, I was having a great season, and our team made the playoffs. We had an offensive slugfest in our first playoff game that left us down 11-10 with the bases loaded and two outs when I…

While those numbers are amazing, don't forget that Tom Skilling is blaming the cold spring we're experiencing in Chicago on the Cubs's bats.

Well, if wearing ladies' garters and breathing out of your eyeballs don't work, try abstinence.

Impregnating the female players definitely takes a toll on a competitive kickball team.

+1 ripped-out heart

Keeping the team in Milwaukee is a condition of the sale.

That looks like the most disturbing final hole of mini golf ever.

Say what you will about that asshole, but at least I don't have to carry change in my car anymore.