Nine months from now, the local Denny's will be devastated when all of its waitresses take simultaneous maternity leave.

+1 subpeona

Guskkake.

I'm going to take Reilly's advice for the Cubs and charge my neighbors $10 to watch when I masturbate with the curtains open.

RGIII splits the uptights!

An auction draft wouldn't work because Jerry Richardson would protest if anyone paid more than two bits for a first rounder.

That's a lot of wailing over a guy who's more unstable and fragile than a Fleshlight made out of Jenga blocks.

Is "Harvin" the Americanized spelling of "Houshmandzadeh"?

I hoped he was going to be ready by the All-Star break, but the line all along was 8-12 months. The high end of that timeline made missing the season a possibility ever since he was injured. Given his youth and that the Bulls are a hot mess right now, I completely agree with him not rushing back even though I would…

There's a reason why Jerry Richardson's figures came up short: he had DeAngelo Williams run the numbers.

"If it wasn't comfortable, I wouldn't wear it!

Oh Cyberball, how much of my Stafford loan money did you take?

My safe word used to be "Cubs Win," but I had to change it because no one would believe me.

The saddest dunk ever by a Bull was when Khalid El-Amin dropped 12 straight Krispy Kremes in his coffee.

The problem isn't that he made a lot of shitty jokes. The problem is that you could tell he knew he was making a lot of shitty jokes. A good example was when he made that really odd, unfunny joke about Selma Hayek/Javier Bardem/Penelope Cruz presenting, and how no one could understand what they were saying, but it…

+1, that is Faaaan-tastic.

I am sure the fan base of whatever place you are from is a paragon of rationality, politeness, and good sportsmanship.

Having to deal with a thorny Rose could be poison for the Bulls.

And +1.

Thankfully the league will not make it illegal for pigeons to wander on the field, preserving the only remaining entertainment value left for Raiders games.