Should this sort of exercise be added by teams as part of their player evaluation? They create fake girlfriends for top prospects, and if they can't spot the fake, you have to question their ability to read coverage or play action.

I imagine Drew has many a night where he wakes up covered in sweat, wearing his Vikings Randall Cunningham jersey, and screaming "CHANDLER!"

Yes, it is only because he is black that NFL fans like RG3, not because he is good, and it is only because Tebow is white and a Christian that liberal white NFL fans hate him, not because he is Craig Krenzel with better marketing.

The sabermetric model for Morris is flawed because it doesn't factor in a STACHE rating.

Whap! +1

Regarding the sex tape offer, it could also be a secret attempt to get the author to start selling Confederated Products.

I am a Bears fan and don't like to boo them when I go to games, but if those guys had to pay the PSLs and ticket prices the season ticket holders do, they would boo when they shit the bed two seasons in a row.

He said my name's Mr. Magary, baby, but people call me the Virgin Mary

True story: I saw Drew writing this at a Dinky Donuts. He was totally in the zone. I tried calling his name and he didn't react. Then I started banging the table and shouting, "Hey. Postmortal! Nazi Shark! Pussy Tubing!" Didn't look up from his screen, just kept typing and twitching.

He promised to give them the ride of their life but then only hit a dribbler up the middle.

It wasn't leaving until it it scooped up all the barbiturates that fell out of Janikowski's pants.

Note to Elbe: They put that intercourse warning on every Dyson for a reason.

I couldn't hear the boos because my ears are clogged from all the bullshit Lovie says.

'Evans,' he would say, 'I'm castin' a spell here.'

Rick Harrison: Hi there, what do you have for me?

There needs to be a published collection of Robert Evans's MVP Watch. If they can make a book out of Stuff White People Like and a show out of Shit My Dad Says, surely we can at least get an e-book out of this, if not a trade paperback perfectly suited for the magazine basket in the bathroom.

They did, but slipped through David Terrell's hands.

No doubt. This wouldn't even make the top 10 in Bears history. I actually coughed up flies during the Jonathan Quinn/Craig Krenzel season.

The technology answer should be mind control so we could make the aliens tell us everything they knew instead of being a bunch of stingy tight asses.

+1