We better remove all references to television, music, movies, books, food, poop, sex, and Jesus (sorry Tebow) because none of those things are relevant to sports as well.

The last e-mail answers the civil war question as the New Confederate Army would be blown away by undercover liberal agents during the Siege of San Francisco, allowing the Student Union Forces to flank and attack from the rear until the NCA was pounded into submission.

The reason why this series is so much better than traditional NFL previews is because this series uses words like "footfucked."

I actually want to thank Patriots fans. If it wasn't for their rampant regional douchebaggery, we wouldn't have the rich, hilarious tradition of parodies of New England fans.

The most entertaining thing that will happen with this team all season is that a rookie had his hair shaved into the shape of a penis.

The community of commentators gargles donkey dick.

"My name's John Randle, but people call me Randall McDaniel. Some people call me Randall Cunningham, because I topped the NFC one time already, and I don't recall it all that fondly, so hold steady."

Your comment was from 15 minutes ago, I assume you're done for the day.

In interviewing athletes throughout your career, what's the worst smell you ever encountered?

I really expected viktor10 to be in the comments discussing the superiority of Green Bay because of its whiteness.

While the Canadian team certainly looked ferocious, in reality it was a Glass Tiger.

+1 guilty but throaty chuckle.

"I'll take Do Me Kickers for $1000"

Agree, that's just not true. People were genuinely excited by how he was playing last year and more disappointed by his injury than Forte's.

The offseason shows that the only interesting thing about the Broncos was Tebow. The roster is as exciting as a Toto reunion show. The highlight of the season will be when James Harrison rips Manning's head off and returns it for a touchdown, then glowers at the scab refs until they award Pittsburgh six points.

You're with me, Leatherface.

I think she told him, "Take zinc!" because, with this shortened season, players really need to take extra care of themselves.

Martin will chronicle the Jets season in a new book next year, Game of Under Throwns.

Taking the SAT at 17 : Taking the SAT at 35 ::

Holy fuck, that was out of the park. +1.