Just like I always thought: That Akili Smith was a real heel.

Supposedly Fine liked it rough: slapping, ear pulling, eye-gouging, nose tweaking, and especially hitting one's fist and having it circle around to hit her in the head. She also enjoyed having someone tell her to "Spread out."

Things you shouldn't read when you have a mouthful of hot coffee that could potentially spray all over your keyboard:

Jitterbug: The last phone you'll ever need!

Dear Mr. Favre,

The outtakes on the Blu Ray version of The Birds are really disappointing.

Yes, but he believed that it was from "horseplay" at the potato sack race.

Caption for the oral photo: The human head weighs eight pounds.

Ken also reported a scoop that Marcia was kissing a boy, Greg didn't take out the trash the way he was supposed to, and that Tiger most definitely has not been spayed.

Like that guy doesn't know there will be cameras on him the second he drops to one knee. He's showing off his piety, dammit.

Sir, they're not saying "boo." They're saying, "Boolshevik."

It's not surprising that he's been on-again/off-again with her. Taking two steps forward and three steps back is his Forte.

Somewhere in a darkened living room, Eric Crouch sits in front of a shattered television set, holding a smoking gun.

Police are also investigating numerous allegations that the Syracuse football program has been molested repeatedly since 2002, often in plain sight of dozens of fans.

"TAKE THAT CRICKET!"

Also see that BYU launched its own version of "We Live Together," but it's just girls in sweat pants drinking Diet Coke by the case.

Ron Zook's performance makes sense considering these documents show that Illinois pays him in beads.

Not to mention that it took half of Warsaw to kidnap Sebastian Janikowski.

Enough already. Stop dunking on small children and play Kobe one-on-one, or something.

[Standing ovation]