Nice. I would have left him in but switched the chair to an electric model.

Aftershock or second orgasm? You make the call!

Hilarious and tasteful, that is fantastic.

With the decision to ban the poppies, FIFA is really going over the top.

"With the benefit of hindsight, I wish I had done in Moore."

Hillis signed his wife to an incentive-laden marriage contract that includes bonuses for having dinner ready when he gets home, shaving her legs at least every other day, massaging his strained ego, complying with lingerie requirements, and an undisclosed amount for a sex act to be named later. She also received a $50…

The Call of Clinkscales

That would explain the sensational performance of Neepawa Natives goalie He Who Cockblocks the Five-Hole.

The bench part is like when you're getting changed and a guy who has the locker next to you comes out of the shower and doesn't respect the No Cock Zone, that little bit of space that separates your sense of comfort from a naked penis. Old guys in particular violate that all the time, probably from spending time in a…

"Do you expect me to perform cunniligus?"

My wife is usually in charge of buying the Halloween candy, and I'm always dissatisfied with her purchases because I never think she buys enough (Three bags? What is this, Poland?)

I'm much more concerned about children watching people like Mark Schlereth piss themselves during a game.

I'm just an Unfrozen Armadillo Lawyer. Your world confuses and frightens me. I see your headlights as giant moons that will crash into the earth and destroy my entire forest. But if there's one thing I'm even more frightened of, it's that my client could suffer felonious frozen animal assault not once but twice…

Christian Ponder will learn the hard way that Berrian can't spare a square-out.

JD never should have gotten into that limo for O'Brien.

There's no crying in sports publishing! George Plimpton was my editor and he called my book Mama's Boy: Otis Wilson and the Story of the Roughest, Toughest, Rappingest Defense in NFL History more worthless than Mike Tomczack in the fourth quarter, declaring that all the copies should be burned around the north…

I know how awful each of those writers are, but seeing them listed collectively is physically painful. It's like the Cubs in journalism form.

P.S. No kickers.

He looks thirsty and miserable in that picture.

I don't know, it might work. I once drafted a similar memo reminding my wife that faking orgasm went against the Official Sex Rules. As far as I can tell, she has complied 100 percent.