These posters these days, commenting on Deadspin articles with their wistful, outmoded old man shticks. Back in my day, we read the sports section to get our box scores, and if a player did anything good the night before, we learned about it through excited pantomime by a coworker.

What Did We Get Stuck in Our Rectums This Year?

They even bust at the end. It's very erotic.

In THAT crucible? No, Duncan would not have prospered. He would not have endured. Those Celtics teams were poorly coached, poorly managed, and poorly stocked: You mentioned Antoine Walker as a card-carrying selfish ball chucker, but arguably even a younger Paul Pierce was also an inefficient, boring black hole of a…

That's a long walk for that, but you earned it, my man.

Oh bear! You will not blow away bee!

U.S. tax laws incentivize charity because we as a people recognize that charity is good. Because it IS good. So we encourage it? You see how that works? Pointing out that it's something we encourage doesn't really cut it as insightful commentary, nor is it all that edgy to try to doubt the sincerity of a charitable…

Don't look away. Just sit back, and let your brain go quiet.

What's funny is that it doesn't even take a "superstar" level player to recruit talent—somebody who is even just "pretty good" and shows an interest in their own team enough to brag about it to others is more than enough.

Is a Tom Ley NBA post lazy, sensationalistic, and reductive? Why I never!

Have YOU watched NBA ball this year, though? Watching the Pacers play stifling defense and play slow, plodding offense to limit total possessions and double down on the power of their constricting defense, is no more exciting now than it was last year. It's not like having the best record in the league has somehow…

The Cavaliers play miserable perimeter defense, and as one intrepid analyst on Regressing set out to demonstrate, they have one of the worst coaches in the league in Mike Brown, particularly in time out situations.

Are there any talent-vampire shit shows worse than the Bucks and Kings for ruining the careers of top flight NBA prospects?

Looks like somebody has been buying into the efforts of scouts to deliberately lower Wiggins' stock and pretend to distance themselves from exactly the player they want. This happens with all consensus #1s who are this good, and generally, these kinds of statements disclaiming the skills of highly skilled prospects…

Oh, does New York City have some sort of basketball team? They're probably pretty good, since New York City is so big and all.

"Don't believe the pipe."

A faster backcourt than an SUV when it screams past a stop sign and kills Andre Bell.

In two discrete ways: "What is David Stern reacting to?" and "What is Davis Stern choking on?"

While watching the game last night, I was thinking about man's inhumanity to man (i.e. grumbling about calls while drinking bourbon and bidding on eBay junk on a nearby laptop). I told my TV that "David Stern needs to go choke on a dick," and then just one beat later, this image of him choking on an imaginary dick…

Oh yes it was. They gutted their entire roster for the sake of one "volume scorer" who is now leaving after a couple years anyway.