Gordon Hayward can't shoot the ball, and is whiter than the abominable snowman drinking whole milk at a Mitt Romney rally. Nene is useless if he's not cutting on high pick N roll action versus a plodding center. And Joakim Noah gets most of his points on putbacks and on midrange jumpers the shaky, retarded release of…

That feels like a very premature extension (my girlfriend was overheard to complain).

Not so shocking, really. My team (the Rockets) have missed the playoffs at least a couple of times at this point, despite sporting a .500 record or better during a given gear. It may have even happened during the waning years of the Olajuwon era. (Not in the mood to b-reference it.)

How do you celebrate Thanksgiving on an RV?

Roll Tide (of a week's worth of porta pottie waste as it meanders past your ankles)

In a Deadspin exclusive, I have managed to get a copy of Derrick Rose's medical records and chart:

In a Deadspin exclusive, I have managed to get a copy of Derrick Rose's medical records and chart:

At least the injury gives him even more time to connect with us, the little people, by buying gaudy diamond jewelry on camera.

They're too stupid to remember they don't have a pick. But it's for the best, anyway. They're the kind of franchise that would only end up drafting Julius Randle over Wiggins and Parker.

Few are aware that he was the plaintiff in the landmark SCOTUS decision, Rowe vs. Wade, as well as the subject of the famous song, Rowe, Rowe, Rowe Your Boat.

Yeah, it's a weird, stilted word to use for that. "Crowd" or something similar would have been fine.

At least we've evolved beyond posting Neutral Milk Hotel songs, because lol

You had me literally laughing at defiant chatter about a Kevin Martin TPE, like that will somehow turn the Thunder's fortunes around, but how did Harden raise a stink, again? Refresh us on this. Lie. You do realize, of course, that it was the Thunder who were playing hardball with Harden and his agent during contract…

So many words. As long as we understand that the Knicks are terrible, were terrible, and will continue to be terrible notwithstanding one utterly uncontroversial call in one game, then I feel like we're on the same page here. I feel like a real winner. (Unlike the Knicks.)

A.) It's "per se."

The NSA has been monitoring the weed and booty-focused communications of radical imam, Joakim Noah, for years now.

Amazing. It's like social networking-speak for "No but really, fuck that guy."

The Thunder got their little bottoms spanked by the Clippers on Wednesday, and then got dragged into OT the game before that by a miserable Wizards team.Things are trending down for them. OKC has not beaten a good team yet in this entire young season. As a team only capable of beating the dregs of the league, they'd…

Figures that Lin would be cooking at MSG.

These haven't been called as continuations since even before the days when Charles Barkley would throw up half court heaves when opponents would wrap him up to stop a fast break.