ESPN isn't feigning shock and indignation though?

Paolantonio is great, though. Few others can hit that same sweet spot between creepy pedophile, and William Atherton's character in an 80s movie.

Bobby Moynihan doing an impression of a Chiefs fan?

Hey Martellus, Oompa Loompa, do-ba-dee-do, heal that shoulder up or it's curtains for you.

He'll start with "My name is Rick Chyme / I like to rhyme" and he'll follow it with a lot of furtive glances and "er, umms" until the timer runs out.

That doesn't sound like the Steelers organization at all, to do that. In fact, Ben Roethlisberger will demand that you play with the balls in the back room. He'll practically threaten you if you don't!

Maybe the whole tying the damsel to the railroad tracks, twirling the mustache menacingly, Snidely Whiplash thing?

When did MC Hammer fuck a Coke can with his micropenis?

Florida is still playing with fire with this change. Sure, [completely blank stone] didn't murder Odin Lloyd and probably at least three other people, but [completely blank stone] is still wanted for questioning in the disappearance of an Arkansas woman in 2010.

You're probably right.

We'd know more if we could see other jerseys, but is this yellow hanging chad thingy a defect in the stitching, or a calculated "imperfection" in the font used for the numbers to give the jerseys more character?

Not watching the 67 wins / 85 loss Mariners play has led to long, fulfilling lives for countless others as well.

But it involved them! Find something completely stupid in a baseball game, and there will always be six degrees of Kevin delicious Bacon separation between the 'Stros and that stupid thing.

But also his head!

Come on, ref. Loosen up!

That is the weirdest baserunning. Phillips is so far inside the baseline that he almost just gets tagged out on the bunt while he briefly visits the pitcher's mound for tea and cake.

And as this implausible, make-believe story dreamt up by his attorney suggests, Andersen isn't good at taking charges either.

How was Chartier able to pull this off? Apparently, she managed to gain complete access to Andersen's phone, social media accounts, email, and bank records.

No, merely a symptom.

No, it's easy to imagine if you just intuit through these massive logic holes that Andersen and his attorney are fucking lying. Oh sorry, allegedly fucking lying.