So what you're saying is that Rodriguez has enhanced the performance of the Yankees?

The town that once ostracized Buddy Holly for marrying a Puerto Rican woman sure has a relaxed attitude towards bell-fucking.

Matt, Rick Perry is a closeted gay man. It is a very poorly kept secret in Austin social circles. Source: The same stunningly handsome man in Austin who used to date John Travolta during Travolta's post Saturday Night Fever, pre-Pulp Fiction period of irrelevance. Yes, even 20 years ago, we knew.

The new conference realignments for Texas schools are the Rick Perry of sensible, geographical matchup-making. We've got, say, Houston playing schools in New England, like that's supposed to make sense, and then we've got storied in-state rivalries put on the backburner, indefinitely. No fans are happy with it.

So basically, Seahawks fans are due for even more disappointment, even more coming up short.

You've got to measure from the base (of the fence).

The legend grows, but something else might not for a couple of days. Ice it down, buddy. Ice it down.

Look, unless Derek Jeter was thwacking pieces of rubble out of ground zero with a baseball bat, right into a nearby dump truck, then I don't see how he—or the Yankees organization—were helping after 9/11. Certainly continuing on with the baseball schedule, and trying to provide Americans with a badly-needed diversion…

Not a fan of fig leafs, it seems.

Even the most earnest nerd in the world, who genuinely thinks mathematics is amazing!!! with like three exclamation points, thinks Peter King's mopey, melancholy oh hark ye ravages of time tweets are fucking...stupid.

9/11 does seem very recent, but 60 Minutes was in its 33rd season when the attacks happened.

That tweet represents the perfect confluence of shameless 9/11 mentions mixed with obscure sports trivia nobody gives the remotest of shits about.

It's Mexico that was the bigger surprise. Ching-ouch.

I don't see how what they'd get after placing an order like that could be anything other than a mixture of coffee, saliva, and "other."

God damnit, I just checked, and I do indeed have a 32 oz "strawberry blended" that is affected. I had never eaten this variety before, so I can't comment on whether the half of it I've already eaten tasted off or not. And I have been feeling a little under the weather recently.

Yeah, it's pretty Oklahoman to participate in a threesome with your cousin.

It's always a treat to read your insights on soccer, Mr. Howard! Speaking of Howards, though, what is your take on another Howard, Tim Howard, the keeper? Do you feel his play has been solid as of late?

...and the cards are all of make-believe Philly sports heroes. Rocky Balboa, the Philly Phanatic, Allen Iverson...

So they all have micropenises that can fit in a closed fist, and weird bulges in their Redskins jerseys that challenge everything we know about human anatomy?

Orange gloves guy sounds like he has the easiest job in the world. Perhaps his former job, before he found his calling, involved holding up signs at construction signs while waving cars through.