Thanks!  I haven’t ever had the pleasure of having my parentage questioned or cursed here in the comments.  I feel so welcome.

The original lawyers should be notifying their malpractice insurance. It’s complete negligence on the part of the attorneys, and the family should be made whole by their insurance carrier. It is also a terrible optic that the lead counsel on the case couldn’t get their shit together and timely request materials or…

They would have responded, but they can’t find it.

And here I thought a Deadspin reader could get satire? 

Sounds like you passed the second interview with that comment. I'm legitimately surprised that they didn't take that as signing the contract. (No sarcasm) 

Marry me?

Well, ugly guys who attain some power/money enjoy being cruel to women (no matter the women look like). This is no exception.

He’s the guy that pays for escorts and brags how he “pulls the best pussy.” Not that there is anything wrong with sex work, but YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

I was offered a job here last summer. When I read the contract, I decided to ghost them (it basically said anyone can harass anyone, the justification being the sewer like comments users leave on their posts, but the protection blatantly extended to employees themselves harassing each other).

Or the “after” picture in the “I used to be addicted to drugs but then I found Jesus and now I’m being paid an exorbitant sum of money to come to your school cafegymitorium to talk to you about the dangers of alcohol, the first gateway drug,” promotional literature.

His nose looks like my labradoodle’s nutsack.

That dude's nose is only going to get bigger with time...

Another Deadspin article just trying to capitalize on this guy’s success by reporting horrible things he said in public and on tape! You guys really need to stop being so jealous of that group and their incel fans. It's getting embarrassing! 

Portnoy looks like the Before picture in an AA brochure. 

“Barstool Radio, a show enjoyed exclusively by Deloitte interns who wish they were still in college”

has he seen his own face??

“See it’s okay because I’m also physically repulsive.”

“I’m an abusive asshole to the men who work for me too” is a really wonderful defense.

so why the fuck is that ugly prick on camera if that’s his criteria?

These are bold words coming from a man who looks like Stuart Little was cast in Entourage