“What’s your name boy?”

Horse simulator. Niiiiice.

I am a nominal Boston fan (I live here and own a Sox cap, but don’t really give a shit), and I need someone who’s level-headed to tell me how to feel about Ortiz. The positive test thing didn’t seem to really stick. Is that because it was bullshit, or just everybody likes the guy and so no one cares if he’s a cheater?

In the playoffs, particularly the World Series, I don’t think there is much in the way of retaliation for showboating.

Those scrawny little kids are braver than me, I would have faked an ankle injury during warmups.

The Carolina staff did too follow the protocol. Here’s a transcript of the discussion the doctors had with Cam Newton on the sideline.

I think in a time of our nation where healing is so needed, we owe it to our children and to the world to change the national anthem to Prince’s “Let’s Go Crazy.”

6 years old. Immense pain from a broken bone. Better fucking walk you weak little bitch.....

The Man Who Mistook His Wife for A 70 Year-Old Man

It’s so sad when CTE causes players this young to get confused and make mistakes that land them in situations like this. He actually meant to assault his wife.

Jimmy Fallon must go 4 hours without binge drinking.

RIP Jimmy.

My hope is for Marshawn Lynch to do an annual Super Bowl segment for Conan from now on.

This is your reminder that FUCK JAY LENO.

Jimmy Fallon is tricked into eating a poison pill and has a minute to say something not-phony for an antidote pill or die.

In what way are money managers and stock pickers not a bunch of motherfuckers?

Bring back fat kickers.

Would you settle for a full back? There was a good play last night where two Cowboys defenders tried to tackle this guy. He got shoved out of bounds and laughed at their puny sculpted frames. I think he’s like 290

Three hours at a football game is three hours that somebody is not gambling. Casinos aren't in the business of encouraging visitors to spend time outside.