Sex is man's biggest obstacle. You think you'll go do some yard work and all of a sudden you're having sex and the yard is still a mess. Truly an epidemic.

Speak for yourself. I can’t enjoy this NBA season until I’m told which quote from Spotlight best describes each team.

Yeah. No one is excited. Because the last Bill Simmons-ran website was so shitty. At least that’s what Deadspin tells me and my opinion is always Deadspin’s.

“I CAN’T WAIT!”

This apology is like olive oil—I’m not buying it because I don’t understand what first cold press means and also why does it cost so much and how can there be a difference between Italian and Greek olive oil if it is solely made from the extract of olives? And another thing, if you get olive oil on your shirt? You…

teaching me to play XCOM instead

Police reportedly made an arrest, but wouldn’t name the man arrested. Whoever it is, he has to appear in court on May 10.

That’s amazing accuracy. I hope an MLB team signs that guy as a pitcher so he can drill batters in the dick.

“...you can understand how Lori Maddox could have possibly developed not just a sincere desire to fuck adult men but the channels to do it basically in public; why an entire scene encouraged her, photographed her, gave her drugs that made all of it feel better, loved her for it, celebrated her for it, for years. You…

You’re correct, it notes the budget issues Jindal inherited, and then explains how he succeeded in making them worse.

Wow. If voodoo economics can’t work in Louisiana...

I just want all of my government services I’ve been promised, but to keep my entire paycheck. Is that so much to ask?!

BUT REPUBLICANS ARE SO GREAT WITH BUDGETS AND DEFICITS!! THIS CAN’T BE?!?!

Who would’ve thought, states that continuously cut taxes run out of money?

See, my ovaries tell me I’m ready for kids then I read things like this and my brain says “maybe next year.”

um no we used pokemon science to determine this list

Everyone in England hates diving too*, it’s not just American viewers. When it comes to our inevitable exit each tournament, there’s a whole host of pundits who say “why don’t we just dive like every other country does?”

“Most dives are fine.”