OMG, that’s why *I* read “Lolita”! Nabakov ended up being one of my favorite authors, so, thanks Sting et al.!

Those two were literally raised by a man who went to prison for attempting to set up a sting with his sister’s husband and a prostitute because his sister testified against him, or something beyond the pale sleazy like that. Being a multimillionaire doesn’t make you a horrible person per se, but when that is the base…

“(but somehow, it seems, not Taylor Swift)”

Can I ask what exactly happens at a 3 day wedding party/retreat?

Well if I was related to those complicit nazi assholes, I wouldn’t want anything to do with them either. I wouldn’t be quiet about my brother being involved in child torture camps either, so fuck that guy too.

Yes, and as much as I hate to give them even a small portion of credit, Jared and Ivanka were likely fine with that -- it would be awkward af to sit with the likes of Katy Perry and Diane Von Furstenberg knowing they think you’re complete trash (correctly, of course). 

“Are you old enough for that book? Am I?”

I was obsessed with that cover - it was the most glamorous thing this farm girl had seen at age 11. I love that there existed, somewhere, a black turban with a fish-net veil. Like Joan Collins at an extra-bitchy funeral.

I too got these books from my divorced mom, who also justified the sharing with, “at least she’s reading,” but really it was so she could have her own mini book club over dinner.

I love SCRUPLES and recommend it constantly.

I LOVED Judith Krantz’s work—I stole all of her novels off my mom’s bookshelves and that’s how I learned about sex. And designer fashion. And jewels—I still dream of having my own pair of “Twins.” I reread her entire oeuvre about a year ago—and a lot still stands up. Scruples is the best, Mistral’s Daughter is also…

YOU BET YOUR BUTT IT IS 

Oh, sweet. First you load up at Fieri’s trough, then hit the Ultimate Rolling Vomitorium. Hope the folks below have on their red Carnival hooded Partayyy Ponchos™! Woooop!

Dry french fries are revolting. I try not to eat at McD’s very often, but when I have a craving for nugs and fries (arguably the best fries in the fast food world), I’ll swing by and grab some on the way home. Once, the cashier was dismayed/offended when I told him I didn’t want any kind of sauce... so I told him I…

This rider really isn’t that crazy. And they don’t bring it with them because every room they end up in is different. The curtains that work in one spot may not work in another. The available fridge might not be big enough.

Heathcliff was a snitch responsible for the capture and deaths of hundreds of innocent dogs, he sucks

First day of freshman year, I showed up for my mandatory meeting with my guidance counselor. I had tried out for the cheer team over the summer, made it, and was wearing my uniform. It was a thing. All the cheerleaders wore them on the first day of school. So Mr. Counselor asked me what my goals were. I said I wanted…

I lost my shit when my sister called me a bridezilla.

I never “got” my Ph.D. diploma because Florida State University said I owed them $60 after I’d paid them tens of thousands, and I said I’d see them in hell.