There was only one set of footprints in the sand because HE CARRIED HIS WHOLE FUCKING TEAM TO THE SUPER BOWL!!!! - Tim Tebow’s take

Nice Real Housewives editing. Making it seem like these two women are about to break out into a sexy cat-fight. For fuck’s sake, can’t we even have our elite level, bad-ass athletes untouched by blatant sexism?

Your question is good, but I think the deeper question is how insecure is the guy who constantly focuses on how the men and women’s basketball game skills compare? A follow up question that I think is equally important, is how many more hugs from his mom when he was little were required for him to not ask this…

“Just walk me down.” Haha! No Fucks Mariah is my fav Mariah.

I was on a second date with my future wife, a Clemson grad, when I pronounced Clemson without the “p.” We had been laughing all night to that point, but she stopped dead in her tracks, got a serious look on her face and said, “It’s pronounced Clemp-son. Get it right, fuckface.” I knew then that I wanted to marry that…

When Tesla’s Ref-Bot 3000 is finished, we won’t need these human refs and their human mistakes.

Yes! YES! Nothing brings me more pleasure than forwarding the original email.

I mean, it’s kind of impressive when I hear someone use four racist terms in one sentence. That’s hard to do.

Can Russia get any worse? Russia and Florida need to die in a fire.

In turn, I want a bill passed that gives jizz human rights. I want a 21 gun salute and taps played every time a single sperm doesn’t fulfill it’s creation destiny. The bill will require Texas to invest billions of dollars in trumpets.

We here at the Interior Department are jumping for joy today at the fact that Sarah Palin was not picked as our new Secretary. Glass half full?

The original Trump slogan. “Make Vader Scary Again.”

I’m so torn here. On the one hand, I don’t like that tax payers are paying Pitbull millions of dollars to make a tourism video. On the other hand, fuck Florida.

Prior to becoming a park ranger, I spent some time working in law enforcement and the juvenile justice system. Despite the fact that I no longer work those jobs, sniffing out lies is something that I still have a gift for. Or maybe it’s a curse, because I hate when I can tell someone is lying. It makes me…

Give me Tulsi! She’s fucking amazing!

Every time I hate-read something of his, I think to myself, I bet this guy’s entire family hates him.

Yep. Team Fuck That Guy.

Anytime I hear Filter, I can’t help but be transported back to 1996. What a horrible time for music.

When I was in college, my friend, we shall call him Jake, got a Colorado buffalo tattoo on his ankle. All black, except for Rashaan Salaam’s Colorado jersey number 19, right in the middle of it. At the time, Jake was going to Iowa State, but had an affinity for all things Colorado. When he got the tattoo, we were…

Jesus, I just spent 45 minutes reading that whole thing. Glorious.